(Im)mortal
by Thetimeinbetween
Summary: After Astra's death,Non conceives the perfect plan to destroy Supergirl and get revenge by taking away two people she loves. Her life will spyral downward as somebody else encourages her in her path of self-destruction. -(Canon divergence after episode 1x14)
1. Day 1-Goodbye

**_First Supergirl fic and I must say I'm truly enjoying this show,so I had an idea and put it down on PC._**

 ** _Here it goes._**

 ** _(Canon divergence after episode 1x14,but Kara already knows Alex killed Astra)_**

* * *

Cat couldn't believe the flow of people. She had never met the older Danvers,but if there were so many people then it was clear they had been well loved. She spotted Kara sitting in the front row still as a statue and looking forward. She wasn't the one who was taking people's condolences for how much they might have insisted,but a tall afroamerican man whom she remembered happened to be agent Mulder,or Monroe. Alex's boss surely,now that Kara had told her about Supergirl and everything regarding this part of her. Eliza's coffin was simple while Alex's was covered in a Black flag with the sign of DEO. Never been there but Kara had told her how important that place was to them. Above it,an helmet and the service gun. She slipped through the center between rows and sat beside Kara. She had never seen her so still. They had been working together for two years,been together for a couple of months ,but she had never seen her being so still. She was used to see her walking through the bullpen,running around,being Supergirl too. Cat dared to put her hand in her woman's and it felt cold. Not the normal cold which could be felt on a winter day,the type of death cold. Not that she had ever touched a body,not at all,but if she were to imagine which type of cold could've come from a body,then this would've been it. She was also ghostly pale.

She looked dead.

Now Cat knew that physically speaking she was alive,but psychologically,she couldn't have guessed. She had never met Eliza,but she knew how much the woman she was lucky to call hers had held onto her as she had come to earth.

She had,otherwise,had the chance to hear about Alex,then meet her in person. She had met a beautiful and strong 26 years old,who seemed to have devoted her whole life to protecting her little sister. Unlike Cat who regretted everyday not having spent more time with her kids,so not having been there for Adam,ever,and not having listened to her mind when needed as a young journalist,when she had been more or less Kara's age,and God knew how many other things;Alex didn't seem to have that kind of trouble. Kara had confessed to her from time to time to having been afraid that she might have kept her older sister from living her life. Cat had soon realized that Alex didn't seem to think that.

She had met the woman by chance one of those days she had decided to drop by and so had Alex. Kara was to be back soon as they had both been notified. She could've never forgotten what Alex had told her as she had put in her question regarding Kara's fears,those same words she had referred to Kara,though she was aware that the girl would've never believed them. Alex had told her that what she did everyday was done to show Kara her gratefulness. That she did have a life,just that that life mostly involved her little sister,and she didn't mind that. It had been a choice she didn't regret. That sometimes to her,Kara was still that kid she had seen standing in her garden many years prior and melted what would've probably turned out to be an heart of stone. She had been told of nights spent up late,drinking,meeting people,of how she had been sending her life to hell after having been not the easiest teenager to deal with. Once more Kara had seemed to be the solution.

So she had been hired at the DEO,put herself together,kept her place for her own merits and achievements. She had been told of a vein girl,who had adored being an only child,who was annoyed to be followed around and embarrassed by her younger sister,but also a girl who had finally found a purpose in her life. She would've left all those things to an indefinite future if it had meant keeping her sister safe. And then she had been given the third grade,but she had endured it with lots of respect towards such a young woman. To Cat,at last before meeting Alex,this type of sister had been a mythological being,and she might not have been on earth for long but enough to show her otherwise.

What had happened,had happened out of vile revenge,she thought,remembering what Kara had barely been able to tell her after it had happened.

Because of that,there would've been no day after for Alex and Eliza Danvers and that to Cat Grant was a sad idea by itself.


	2. Day 2-Forgive me(not)

As Kara woke up it took her a minute to get her bearings as her old room in Midvale came into view,and she felt the arms around her again. Cat was there. But why were they in Midvale?It was eerily silent as she made sure to not wake Cat up and covered her again,before tiptoeing out of the room to check out the house. She descended the stairs expecting herself to see Eliza already busying herself around the house the way it had been when she and Alex were younger,but simply thinking about that sent a strike of pain to her chest. She would know why the house was so empty,even if it had been years since they had moved out. It was all hers now. There was nobody else left. She recalled Clark had passed by after it had happened,and come to the funeral yesterday. He had left,and would be back from time to time. That was the promise she could remember from the few things she could recall about the day before. Not that it mattered much. Yes,blood bonded them,they had seen each other through the years,she didn't mind him. But he had never been there. He was cool,he had his life,he had already been great for coming,he cared,she did too,but she just wanted to be alone. To her it felt like her planet had been destroyed all over again,Clark at last had been spared the part of remembering,or the umbearable pain of losing the person you had looked up to for years,though she knew he could understand the parents side of it. Yeah,that was what was wrong. There was nobody left of the family which had raised her for the last 12 years. How mocking their happy pictures on the wall and the mantlepiece. She had been left behind again. It brought tears to her eyes and a type of anger she had only felt once till then. Right after the Black Mercy. Towards who she knew,too.

She got lost into those memories. Pieces of themselves,Eliza and Alex had left behind.

An half opened book on the couch table. A glass of water on the counter of the kitchen,some coats still on the hanger and less recent ones. Work Instruments,certifications,and the pictures were just everywhere.

She had left it all the same. It had been three days.

If it was so hard to be here,then how could she have ever entered Alex's place and boxed all her things up,cleaning out the apartment cause by the way she didn't need one anymore? How could she go on living,knowing she had long before the end.

She was eating,sleeping,and breathing when they were gone,even if it felt more like hyperventilating then breathing the normal way. It felt the way it had felt being chocked and knowing she was a step closer to death,knowing there might not be a way back.

If she could've voiced her thoughts without crying and feeling like being torn from the inside out she would've tried to tell everybody that heroes didn't just have an heart and strive to protect the world. That heroes' hearts could also be shattered in a thousand pieces at a moment's notice,that they had been loved,because they had had heroes too. That Eliza might not have had superpowers but she had been brave enough to raise two teens and deal with their hardships all by herself. That Alex might not have had superpowers either,but she had been her hero,the one who could save the day when she herself didn't think it was possible,the one who had made all the hurt disappear. She was her big sister and Kara couldn't be made cry,because she had vowed so when they were kids.

She had killed her,them. What had she done to deserve all she had been given after she had changed the course of their lives?Jeremiah had died because of her. Eliza had raised them alone because of her. Alex hadn't had it all because of her. Alex shouldn't have had to kill Astra. She had brought Astra in her life. She hadn't even been able to turn her around completely. And now she had lost the people she had left . Those times she had thought Alex might hate her and instead she hadn't. How had she even conceived such bad thoughts in her pain? She had been forced to kill,the few times she had. And it was because of her too. She was not at fault and she should've known more. There was nothing to forgive. She hoped Alex had known before leaving. She hoped Alex knew that Kara loved her,and needed her still.

It made her pace up around the living room,with her hands covering her ears like when she had been suffering from power overloads back when she had just gotten on earth.

She couldn't have remembered how she had done it,but she wanted forgiveness. It was enough to have her shutting the book on the the table,throwing the water in the sink,straightening the jackets on the hanger. Then pacing up again as she knew she hadn't done enough. There was something out of place,but the house,save for those things she had fixed,was all in order.

What was there of wrong?Why did it look so wrong?

She knew she was driving herself into a panic attack,but she still hadn't found what was there of wrong.

It had her falling to her knees.

 _Kara,Kara open your eyes._

She tried but it was so hard

 _We'll fix this together_

There was nothing to fix,that was what was wrong. Nothing that could be fixed. They just weren't anymore.

 _I can't promise you a life without pain and loss. Because pain is what makes us who we are…_

Alex had told her. She had told her. She could almost see the foreshadowing in the words her sister had spoken to her while on Black Mercy Krypton. But somehow they had always managed,Alex had always spared her as much pain as she could,surely shuldering it all by herself. This pain was something that couldn't be fixed. The strong revelation that Alex had been right all along.

"Stop"she screamed.

It felt like short undeserved relief,when strong arms she loved wrapped around her.

There was no absolution for her. She was wishing for something which would've never come.


	3. Days 5 and 6:Deal and Heal

**Warning(for this and future chapters):drug abuse.**

Day 5

It was at night she couldn't stand the silence anymore and got off bed,dressed up and went out on the roads. She had to clear out her mind. Once flying would've been the easiest way to,but now not now. She wasn't getting a call anytime soon,Hank had forced her to step down for a bit,and there would've no familiar voice coming from the other side of the com. They had been good together. They had been a strong team. Now it was just her. And whatever pain had momentarily been put aside came back full force to her. With tears pooling in her eyes. She felt like a kid again. She had lost her whole world,again. And she had caused it. But,oh she had been very careful to not voice such concerns to any of her friends or Cat .Anybody else would've tried to convince her otherwise. She felt like not even Hank could understand. It was just her and her hell,defined in earthly terms. And she was so tired to see pity in their eyes. So tired to see the strain it had put on the people trying to understand,his poorly hidden sufferance,her friends useless tries to save her from wasn't supposed to happen,to be this way. And she had to find a way out. To fill the void,to solve it,to spare herself other pain. She wasn't paying so much attention to where her feet were carrying her,till she didn't realize she was in front of Alex's bulding. Stopping under her window she realized it had been a bit since she had been there. But then again Alex had always come to her. Sometimes it had been like living together again,like when they were kids,and sharing a room. She had no hardships opening the door,but made sure it didn't swing on it's hinges. She shut the door behind herself and looked around. None of them,had dared to get in since….since the day. And it was still the way she had left it. Just like Midvale. One of her leather jackets was still draped along the couch. She had loved them,all black,saying they would fit with anything.

One of her guns laid forgotten on her nightstand.

Her bed was undone,sheets laying halfhazardly aside. She had been called in the middle of the night.

This time she didn't try to halt her tears,nor the sobs ripping out of her chest…and the instinct,quite sudden,to look for something she knew Alex,being preventive,had always kept. Kryptonite. In her drawer.

But as she went to crouch down she spun around feeling as if somebody were observing her.

"Who are you?"

* * *

"Try this."

"What should I do with it?"

He put the green glowing dust down on the table and looked straight at her,then back down. He bent over it and literally sniffed it. Kara didn't have much knowledge of drugs. All she knew was that they were dangerous. Al had taught her that too. She had known her little sister wouldn't have been very much affected by it,but she had given it to her anyways,just in case. Another friendly reminder of how Alex had spent the last 12 years trying to make sure they had all the informations they could've used in case she had become unexplicably sick or anything. But now Alex wasn't here,and that kryptonite was lying right there,calling at her. The rational part of her could feel the slight dizziness caused by the mineral,but the irrational one,the one which was pretty tired of fighting anything,herself included,suggested her it was the best idea in the world. That man,alien,whatever he was and wherever he came from,was lying the solution right in front of her,he wasn't charging her for it or anything either and offering her a way out. So she put up her resolve and walked the rest of the distance to it,till she wasn't sitting,right in front of the other man,looking at her expectantly. She brought some to the back of her hand,and hesitantly took a deep breath. She took it quickly and quickly it rushed to her head,and made her nose tingle,almost hurt. Then her whole body shook with pain. But she welcomed it. Strangely it was the best she had felt in five days. Ever since her world had been turned upside down,and collapsed around her. It had her breathing hard,her head pounding,but also had her laughing,making her hurt go away,at last for the time being. It was like a rush,a bit like flying. It dulled her pain,made her tired,but also more alive.

"If you need more,call this number"she spotted a piece of paper with a number scribbled on it and other bags which she made a note to check out later. She really couldn't have cared much about it right now.

* * *

Day 6

She wished she could've had an office of her own. She could have done what she wanted without being seen. They would've all told her she was poisoning herself,and she didn't need them to be all nosy,and get in her business. She had been gone for 6 days from work and superhero duties. She knew Hank had tried,half heartedly to cover up for her,trying to find a way to cope himself,during the first days,but now he seemed to lay low again. Deo was at it,he had assured. Truth was,she didn't care anymore. She had lost all her will to didn't even notice when somebody came to stand right in front of her. It took several moments before she really did.

"Kara"

"Yeah"Cat.

"If you aren't capable of working right now why don't you go home?"

"It doesn't matter anymore"

"You should go and rest"added the Cat in a gentler tone.

"I'll rest when I'm dead"

Cat walked closer to her desk and studied her carefully. Kara seemed to be totally out of herself. Her eyes were those of a person who hadn't slept in days,red,and sunken. Her face was way paler than her normal self. She was trembling. Skipping up from time to time as if she had been sending a morse message with her body. And her face was flushed and sweaty too,if she hadn't known better she could've easily been running a fever. What set her off really wasn't the fact that Kara would hardly get sick,nor did it have anything to do with Supergirl as Kara hadn't been anywhere else but home since that day,but her experience. It told her otherwise. Her career had taught her to see through people,she had followed many,many scoops she had made. Moreover she was in a relationship with Kara. How could she not have noticed? She knew Alex and Eliza's death had to have done something to her. She had just been waiting for the fall. She had been observing her the whole morning,done her researches. Kara was under something. She felt angry and betrayed.

"Did you take something?Are you…are you high?"she muttered angrily.

Kara shrugged,grimaced and turned on her chair,legs stretched in front of her,arms crossed over her chest.

"Maybe"

"Maybe?Maybe you're poisoning yourself?"

"Maybe I'm. So what…you'll fire me?You ll throw me out the door?Scream at me,tell me how pathetic I am just like all the others you've fired in the past?"asked Kara standing up from chair,and walking fastly towards her,muttering as hashly to not make a scene.

"You don't know what's like"

"I don't?Well I feel like I do,since I've been there for the past six days. By the way you ..are…fired…now."

"I'm not exactly just your assistant anymore"

"But I'm still your boss here…so clean out your desk and go"

The queen of media's tone sobered her up enough to realize she had screwed up something else in her life. Her eyes filled up with tears despite the famous policy. Some days ago she would've still cared. Some day ago this rule would've been one of the many rules she had set for the office and not what they were sinking into everyday.

"Please don't take this away from me"

Cat dragged her into one of those empty hallways.

"I..you don't understand..it's my life too.I thought it could've been different"

"So now it's my fault. Well,I deeply apologize if my family just got killed and I don't feel like drinking a coffee together and making small talk as usual."

"Kara"

"No I get it you know?You were right,we can't work out. Can we?"

"Karaaa"

She run back into the bullpen to get her stuff and left with a furious run which not even Winn or James could've stopped her from. Nor tried. Not with the rage burning in her eyes.

* * *

When she came back home she was a mess all over again. She half stumbled into her apartment and went to fetch the beg in which she had been given the kryptonite. She had just barely come down from it but,she needed to be in pain from something she knew. Hands trembling she almost pried it open and s into it. Just like the other times she had already tried the feeling had her both excited and in pain to her knees. It was both fun and pain. What she felt couldn't even be described. She could barely breath,her mind was floating,somewhere else,and she felt so weak,but also incredibly powerful. This she could choose for herself.


	4. Day 10:No place for you

Day 10

She had surely blacked out between an rush and another. She knew for certain it had barely been five days ever since she had started and yet she couldn't fight it. Everytime it felt like being pulled towards it,and she couldn't stop. She didn't wish to. She had lost her job,pushed her friends away,was like that half the time,but she didn't want to fight it. Good things always hurt,she had learned it the hard way,by losing it all. Stiff and sore body from having slept on the couch she stood up on wobbly legs,swaying to the kitchen,with dry lips. She downed several glasses of water before pushing the last away and basically off the counter,letting it break on the floor. It had her groaning and uncaringly walking on broken glass to stand up again and get back to the living room with her forehead leaning on the wall,in defeat. Kara didn't know what came to her,but she lost control again,and the wall paid for it,as she wore an hole the size of her hand in the concrete. It didn't hurt and she was glad it couldn't bleed. At last she could've kept on hitting. As she did 'till it wasn't enough anymore. The wall was not what she was angry at. She needed to punish who had done it. The other party,the needed to punish who had brought her fears alive,killed her inside,made her feel lower than nothing,even if it was true. He needed to be punished because Alex and Eliza had done nothing to deserve what had come their way. They hadn't deserved it. For the first time in days she slipped out of her daily clothes to put on the cape. She was officially out for revenge.

She hadn't even taken anything. She wanted to be lucid when she killed him. She wanted him to suffer half as much as she was.

If the people of National City noticed she was up in the skies again she didn't give much thought to,her mission was somewhere else.

She scanned every place in which she had met him,hoping to find something,a trace to give her a lead on where he was.

In the end,he was the one who found her.

"My dear niece"

"Non"

"Come here to finish the job?Or should I say get finished?"

"You look too sure of yourself."

He flew closer to her to look straight in her eyes.

"I sure am,I've won Kara Zor-El and there's nothing you can do to stop me. You'll have to watch again,as I kill everybody else you love."

Kara felt the blood freezing in her veins as realization downed on her.

"Yes my dear niece. She'll be next".

She spun around on her heals and fastened up her speed as she flew back towards the CatCo building which happened to be one of the tallest of the city.

Non followed right behind,with a sinister smirk on his face.

When they got there,however,everything seemed to be in control. Nothing out of place. Cat was still sitting to her desk working,just like everybody else.

It made her angry to know how easily he had played with her fears as she attacked him with her heat vision. He dodged and dived down,straight into her. They hit the building several times trying to get the upper hand. But eventually he kicked her into it,as she made an hole on the other side. She saw people moving,and tried to keep her space so they wouldn't hit anybody. No friendly fire,just her and Non. It reminded her of her aunt Astra as they flew through the sky fighting each other. She had been a good opponent,Non was no less. He was quick and strong. She had faced him in the past and he had shown to be clever at every move. In her revenge she felt safe remembering the advices she had been handed out in the training room back in the early days,and then after as she sparred even just for fun,with her sister. Dodge,block,punch,kick,even pushing around if needed. She had learned to not leave open spaces to the enemy. It was okay for as long as it didn't feel another one of his plans to anger her. He was trying to tire her out,play her again.

She was so angry her frozen breath seemed to turn one of those buildings into the crystal ones people usually saw in Russia or cold zones of the world anyway.

He took it as his cue to grab her into a full body lock and rush back down to crash on the ground. They rolled several feet away from each other.

"Kara Zor-El,I thought you could've been better than your mother. Some things you can't stop. I proved that to you just ten days ago. I took every pleasure in hearing them scream,and in pain. I asked them to hand you over to save their lives. They refused,so I killed them."

She sat on her knees looking up at him with hands balled up in fists. He was enjoying his scene.

"Goodbye dear niece,I'll make sure you won't be missed."

Non used his heat vision her,had her writhing on the ground. He had called the others.

That was it. It was time,she was sure. He was looking at her the way he looked at his victims. A lifetime ago,and leaning on the people she cared about and for,she would've stood up and tried to fight this through,even when the blows hurt,but at that moment,lying there,she thought back about everything she had suffered for. She had lost Krypton,her parents,her foster parents,and her sister. She had lost people who believed in Supergirl in the past,people she was supposed to save. She had lost the woman she loved,her friends,she didn't want to see the DEO. She was addicted to the same substance which might kill her just by getting close to it.

What was she still living for?What was she still fighting for?Her life was over.

So for the very first time ever since she had taken her first breath,Kara Zor-El Danvers gave up.


	5. Days 10,11 and 12:Save my soul

Days 10(second half)/11/morning of 12th

It felt like freezing. Like when somebody is snapping a picture and people are posing to look at their best. Except for the unfinishable run of the lift,and the one outside of the building and through the several parks right in front of it. Citizens were everywhere,but looking a bit afar she could see familiar black she had learned to recognize. All she could think about however,was the form lying still on the grass. Nobody dared to step closer than her or stop her,as she fell by her side.

"Kara"

Blue eyes flashed open to look at her. She bent down so that only Kara could hear her.

"They are coming. You're going to be fine. Just hold on"

"I don't wanna…they hate me"

"No they don't,and they'll help you,you're a team"

She grimaced in pain herself at the sight of the kryptonite knife in her stomach,and felt conflicted as to weather pull it out or keep it in.

They were in there right on time and she was glad to see Monroe or Moulder or whatever at the front.

"We'll take her from here now."

"I'll come with you"

"Miss Grant"

"Agent Moulder I thought you're aware of the type of relationship we share,so I'll come with you."

"I don't have time for this. Alright,you come with us,but not a word about this,we'll make sure"

She could stand the warning. Now he might not have known they had been taking a break but this didn't mean that Cat didn't love her anymore. She was never gonna stop. Kara had broken it up but she wouldn't allow her to go down. If Kara had thought she would've easily given up on her than she was deadly wrong. If Kara had given up,the Queen of Media was already bathing in the knowledge that she had no intention to. They had gone through a lot,they had finally managed to come together,and she wanted her woman to know they could work it out. She wasn't leaving,anytime soon. She couldn't leave the person who had changed her for the better.

Cat climbed on the back of the Medivac and grabbed Kara's hand again.

Somebody slipped an oxygen mask on her face,but Kara couldn't look anywhere but at the person sitting right in front of her. Why was Cat still there?They had broken up,she had sent everything to hell,ruined it was she still doing with somebody who was dead inside?What could she give her anymore?

Eventually Cat must have seen the pain in her eyes,because she squeezed her hand harder and answered to her unvoiced question.

"When will you get it out of your little head that I'm not going anywhere?And neither is any of these agents or your friends?Nobody hates you. I love you Kara Danvers."

Tears streamed through her hurting face,but somebody else was there to wipe them again.

The doctor with them took out the knife and it felt like it being plunged in again,with screams and fresh tears,but once more Cat was there to make sure she could deal.

She fell unconscious and slept for the rest of the ride.

* * *

For two days Cat sat still by Kara's side. She didn't move asides from the strict necessary and worked solely on her PC,everything else she had left in the hands of Olsen. He and that IT kid kept pestering her about Kara's condition,and she was glad when mini Lane who had meanwhile joined the DEO,after everything that had happened actually took it upon herself to tell the other two about it all. She had found out who Kara was on the day of the funeral and Moulder had actually revealed himself to her accidentally,but she had decided to help,and try to look at things from a different perspective. Efficient she had been,so much she could've never imagined. She always wanted standards to get higher and higher. For two days she sat there,instead,just holding Supergirl's hand,as she surveyed the strange bed she had been put on. The media mogul had surely never seen anything like that,but everything seemed to be greatly organized at the DEO,nonetheless the darkness. Throughout those 48 hours Kara had never been fully conscious,but she had moved from time to time and opened her eyes at last twice,she had counted. However Cat had only looked into hazed eyes,and she wasn't sure if Kara was aware anybody was sitting by her side,even less if she knew it was her.

She only felt happier when the hand she was squeezing finally squeezed harder back the way it hadn't in the last two days.

"C..Cat"

Cat sat straighter and felt her face being split by a smile.

"You're here to stay finally?"

"I think…what happened?"

"You gave up"

Kara looked down,still lying on the metal bed.

"I did"

"I want to make clear something,Kara,two days ago,that's how long you've been out,when I saw you lying there,doing nothing,I didn't get angry because he had won or anything,I'm not one common citizen who'll go criticizing every single thing you do,I got angry because you had given up,and you had never done it before. So I…"

"You didn't tell them right?"asked Kara,shooting a worried look at her.

She sighed and said:"No. No I didn't,I didn't because it's not my side of the story they might want to hear. The point is that you gave up,and it made me feel stupid and useless because I couldn't keep you alive. I can't keep you here Kara,I can't keep you alive if you don't want to live. I've always been in control,and now I can't do anything else but watching as you give up".

Cat Grant had never felt so many emotions or shed so many tears at the same time. She had hurt in her life,too,but had never felt like she was supposed to give up on somebody,she had sworn she would've never done it again,after what had happened with Adam.

She only became aware of her surroundings again when she realized that not only it had been a long time ever since she had shown such emotions,but also that the hand under hers was shaking too.

"I don't know how to stop. I don't want to. Everything is so hard. Living is so hard. They are all gone,and everytime I think about it,I feel like it's not worth it anymore."

"Your life is worth it,those of the citizens of National City are,everybody you love is worth it."

"How do you think it feels,Cat? I know I'm doing everything wrong. I know I'm destroying everything my whole family,human and alien,fought for. But it can never be the same again. He knew how to destroy me,and he did. He took away the family which raised me up,treated me like their own. I used to have nightmares and they would be there to sooth me through them,I used to have power overloads,be insecure,they did everything to make sure people could understand me,to give me a chance at life,at last here. I had the best life I could've asked for,with them."

She had meanwhile sat up and felt much more comforted when Cat wrapped her arms around her,after so long since the last time. She had longed for those arms. Even if it had been only for a few days she had missed them for.

"I can't stop"she added with a broken voice.

"I'll help you,we'll get through this together,like we always have."

Cat came closer and kissed her softly,letting her forehead rest on the younger woman's.

"We'll survive."


	6. Day 12(part two):Help

Hank found them hugging on that bed,and looked around before slightly coughing.

They both shot up like 16 years old who had just been caught in action,and looked at him.

"May I have a word with her?"

Cat nodded,and left her side though a bit unwillingly,before leaving the room and flashing a quick smile at her newly found girlfriend. It was clear,without even being spoken,that they were in for the ride on their not so easy rollercoaster again.

Hank walked towards her and sat on the nearby chair.

"How are you doing Supergirl?"

She couldn't really answer that question. But he seemed to understand,as he went on.

"Alright,wrong question. We both know how we are."

"I thought you hated me"

"Why so?"

"Because of me an entire team and the agent you considered as a daughter died."

"The agent I considered as a daughter,wasn't just the best on the field,she was also,and first of all,your sister. When you came in,and joined the DEO,I vowed again I would've done anything to protect you,the way I had done with your sister. I was there when Jeremiah died,and the last thing I did for him,was promising I would've protected you both."

"Do you feel guilty about that what happened to Alex?"

"Every single day since it happened."

It would've done no good to her if she had started crying again,but who did she want to fool?She was still in pain everyday,and Hank seemed to understand.

Nonetheless she tried,if not to keep some of her dignity in front of him,though he didn't seem to do anything about it.

"When you were under the influence of the Black Mercy at the end of the fantasy,your sister woke up first. The moment she realized you hadn't come back yet,she got angry at Olsen,she got angry at me,because we had pulled her out,or so she thought. She kicked and screamed and cried thinking she had lost you forever. Now I'm worried you might not be doing what's necessary to deal with your anger properly,Kara".

She did this time dare to look up at him at the mention of what Alex had gone through that day.

"What do you know about it?"

"Because I'm angry too. I'm angry 'cause Alex was young and now she will never get to live out the rest of her life. I'm angry because she left me. But mostly you. I'm angry because you've lost your family,again. And I lost a piece of mine."

"But I don't want to hate her or Eliza"

"It's okay to hate them. They left you,they had sworn they would've always been there,but now they're not anymore."

Kara felt an umbearable sense of anger building up into her. Just looking at J'onn made her blood boil,as he challenged her. She needed to keep calm,to not lash out on him,to stay calm,but at the same time she had such a urge to punch him square in the face which felt almost feral to her. She loved him like family,lwhy should she have wanted to hurt him?

"C'mon Kara this is what you want to do. Do it!I'm here.I'm telling you everything you don't want to hear. Fight it."

Kara rushed towards him,and plant a punch straight in his face. He didn't even flinch,but she otherwise drew back horrified,grimacing,and looking at her hands as if they weren't even part of her body anymore,or at all.

"Is this the best you can do?"

"I don't want to hurt you"

"I showed them to you,I told you they were gone,you can hate me too"

"Shut up"

"Sisters don't break promises"he added,raising his voice.

"Just shut up,stop"

"They broke you"

"Stop"

The scream boomed on the walls of the DEO and was perceived even from afar as Kara flung herself at Hank and flew them straight into the wall,breaking several things. They rolled on the floor,but close enough for her to punch him. And he let her for hers and his own sake. He just needed to see he hadn't lost the younger Danvers too.

Some agents actually walked closer to the room,to see if he needed help. Some were even carrying kryptonite handcuffs,but he stopped them all with a nod of his head,so they left them alone,as Kara kept on going at him,at last till he didn't manage to stand up again,and she pushed him.

"You're supposed to be there,why weren't you there?"

He let his head fall,but before she could push him against the glass door he trapped her at arms length by grabbing them tightly.

Kara fought against it,she fought hard till her breathing wasn't laboured and her arms were hurting from the hold,till she didn't break it,and her eyes turned moved away and she fell to her knees as if he had been the only thing holding her up.

Heat vision wore several holes in the room,but those could be fixed.

The girl kneeing on the floor screaming and crying he wasn't sure.

Those screams tore at his heart as much as her silence the night it had happened. It was cold and defeaning,and just as feral as her rage. He knew he would never slept again without hearing them in his mind.

But he didn't dare to get closer,he knew better than that.

For days right after the ambush he had felt guilty,and kept on working just because that was his only outlet for his emotions,his only way to not fall into despair,but he had also feared Kara might be blaming him,the way he was blaming himself. However what had happened a couple of days ago had shown him that the blame was shared. She was blaming herself too. So he had had no heart to call her up for anything. Their hearts were broken beyond repair.

He was aware she would probably end up blowing out her powers,but maybe this was what she needed. Now that even Eliza and Alex were gone it was his duty to take care of her at his best. He had let Alex go,knowing she could fight her way out of anything,but he had always known that things could change. She wasn't immortal,or meant to live a thousand years at last,she had known before every mission,before every fight,she had known and never really cared. All she did was for her sister to live in a better world,to keep her safe. He had known,but he had let himself believe otherwise. He had let her promise she wouldn't have never left.

* * *

A few hours later,when she was a lot calmer,she was finally able to look at Cat again,right after J'onn had left.

There wasn't much said,but then again they didn't need to.

Cat just looked at her and made all the talking.

"We're going home. They say you're fine now..at last physically"

"I'm sorry if…"

"You apologize too much Kara. Carter is on a trip with his father. He wanted to stay,but you know that he couldn't. We'll have this time to ourselves,we'll try to fix this for real. Get you off that poison before…"

"Before it's too late,you can say it Cat"she said,with an eyeroll.

"I won't…because it won't be that way."

"He wants you to come talk to him,if you need. He thinks any other psychologist might not be good enough"

Kara leaned into the hand stroking her face,and stood up,linking their hands.

"He cares a lot about you. If you were to need somebody lean on him too. You've to lean on each other now. Just like we are. He is not forcing you into seeing anybody,because he knows you wouldn't want to,but he's just trying to help. Let him".

They left silently,with a little bit more of hope in their hearts.

As they went Kara did dare to steal a glance at the martian. He looked hopeful as well.


	7. Days 25,26,27:Lost

**Warning(s):heavier use of drugs,time jump.**

Day 25

Who was she kidding?She had tried,but every morning it would be the same story. She would wake up with cold chills running through her body,more than the early days,and craving that relief she was trying to turn away from. Every morning she would go for her dose,from snorting to smoking. In a month she had learned it all,even stolen injections of pure kryptonite from the DEO. Cat would look at her,put on her frown,and say nothing,then the morning after she would dare to talk some sense into her,solely to be sent away by Kara,then they would be back to the first way the day after. It had been two weeks since she had chosen to try,but she was hardly doing so. Cat had her bags for most of the day,but she would always find a way to do some kryptonite,she had even hidden the extra to not let her girlfriend find them and after she had stolen the pure one she had barely had that problem,or she could just call that man and get some everytime. One minute she would reflect on how poisoning it could be,the minute after she would think about how good it made her feel. She felt like a perjurer for making a promise she couldn't keep. Just like Alex.

* * *

Day 26

Winn and James had decided they had left her alone for too long after the first week,when they had otherwise been close,one way or another,even as she dived into her new life. They were bothering her too much,and she blew at them,asking them to leave her in peace. She was sure poor James had been traumatized as told him he was useless and unneeded,but Winn had the typical face of who wasn't giving up anytime soon. He had nonetheless left,just for her sake. Now she was sure more than before that it wasn't just a suspect,that he knew. She had been high the whole time of the conversation after all.

Meanwhile Cat had been submerged in work,as many others newspaper published the news of Supergirl's rare public appareances nowadays. They were all wondering where she might be,and what had happened. Or what was happening. Some had even suggested that she had died from injuries after her fight with Non the first days after that attack.

She had been pretty beaten up,Cat remembered but luckily she was still there.

However they were starting to get pressing. They had been getting news from DEO everyday. The d had taken it upon itself to work out the alien problem for now. J'onn had even let them see Supergirl from time to time disguising as her. If the army hadn't taken over it was because they were well happy with Supergirl being mia most of the time.

Some people were still firmly believing in Supergirl,others were doubtful. And this surely hadn't helped at home.

They had chosen to keep on living under the same ceiling,but as Cat was to be back anytime Kara had vowed to keep her "activities"out of sight in the near future.

Their hopeful resolve had shattered the same night Kara had sworn she would've stopped and it was starting to weigh on them again.

Cat felt like they were constantly on edge. Waiting for something,she didn't know if bad or worse than what they had,but something just to change things.

* * *

Day 27

She snapped. She didn't know why,but she snapped.

Kara was sitting at the table talking to Carter. He had come back that morning,and was relying to the younger girl what had happened,and how things had gone,so to everybody this could've looked normal. But Cat had learned to see the signs. Leg bouncing,lower lip trapped under the upper,yawning,nose itching.

To anybody else it might have looked like the young woman was simply bored by what Carter was talking about but the media mogul was used enough to know otherwise.

So she wasn't surprised either when Kara shot out of the kitchen stool in the middle of Carter's story.

"Mom what's wrong with Kara?"

She had dreaded the question,but recovered quickly enough to answer with half the truth.

"Kara is not feeling too well honey,why don't you go in your room,and play some with your games."

He hugged her.

"You're the best"

"I think you'll have to stay with your nanny just so I can take care of her,but I have to make sure she gets proper care so I'm taking her to the hospital."

"You're letting me just like that?Couldn't I come?"

"For today yes and no you're not coming."

He sighed:"Tell Kara to get better soon. Will I be able to see her when she gets better?"

"I'm sure you will"

She let her hands play with his hair and kissed his forehead,before letting him run into his room,as she shot the other way.

She swore under her breath when she realized her girlfriend had locked the door.

* * *

In the meantime Kara was basically trashing the room. She couldn't find the syringes. She moved every cloth out of place,looked in the drawers,every place she could see,then under her side of the bed with the help of her powers. There they were in a box. She almost broke the cap off with her strength,as her powers got slightly out of control,but eventually she managed and shot it in.

Pure kryptonite was different than the usual fix she had. Pure kryptonite was just pain. Kryptonite had her writhing on the bed,holding the sheets,with her body trembling. It was when she would mix it up with the usual fix by snorting it.

This one calmed her down,brought her to the lowest level just as usual,just while she found it hard to breath.

She heard Cat on the other side,and struggled hard to get to her feet and unlock the door.

"Hey" that was all she could say as she dried her nose from the kryptonite left.

Cat shut the door behind herself and went for the wardrobe,before flinging some clothes out.

Then she opened another to grab out one of Kara's travelling bags and threw the clothes into it.

She wouldn't have bothered any of her domestics with it. They would do it by themselves.

"You're coming to the DEO with me. We'll fix this my way now."

"Cat,c'mon don't be like that"Kara stumbled closer hugged her loosely,with a beam on her face.

Cat grabbed the finished bag and asked her driver to put it in her car,then came back and called the nanny who got there some ten minutes later.

Then she went back into the room and helped a laughing Kara up,almost dragging her outside.

She was sick and tired of this playing around. She had tried to give her time,to help her,to hide things,to let her use from time to time with no use because she had to have a secret stocking. Whoever had given those things to her or was still doing it knew how to do it well,but now this was ending.

She only then remembered that before entering the DEO the first time they had blindfolded her so she had no idea about where they were going. So Cat grabbed her phone as they piled up in the car and called the IT boy.

His voice raised almost an octave as he realized it was his boss calling,but he didn't comply as he relied the indications not without asking to come.

He managed to blackmail her with knowing where they were going unlike her. So she let him come with them. He seemed to genuinely want to help,as he and Kara had always been friends and she couldn't efford to push any kind of help away,not right now.


	8. Day 27(part two):the 8th hour

**Day 27**

Cat dragged her again,all the way into the DEO where they met Hank and Lucy. They looked almost surprised to see them,at last till they didn't see which state Kara was in. Their face turned to rage.

"What the hell is this Kara?"

"Something we should ve told you about a long time ago."

"What's she under?"

"I never knew exactly"

"You were covering up for her?"

"She asked me…I'm sorry"

Cat never apologized. Sometimes rarely. But with Kara she had never known. The same principle seemed to work for people who actually cared about her too. Just that this time it was pretty hard to admit aloud cause she had laid for a very long time for the person she loved. She had done wrong?Surely. Had she done it because she was afraid she might be losing Kara forever?Too.

Hank seemed to take it the hardest.

"I'll take care of it"he added as he grabbed her by her arm.

"Lucy,check her out"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to help her"

He lead the three of them through a long corridor which seemed to have a lot of doors. Some were open and displaying a good variety of aliens,others were closed. Lucy activated the panel of one of those and lead them in.

Inside there was a cage and another panel the Queen of Media didn't exactly know what it was for.

Hank walked her up the stairs,as she swayed and let her in before eventually getting out and having it shut behind himself.

"What's the cage for?"

He rolled his eyes in annoyance still deeply angry at her and explained as best as he could.

"It's an holding cell. We're a prison. She's no average prisoner. I shall have no reason to arrest her,she's not a criminal,but she's hurting herself. In there she won't be able to. I could try to help her,if you could just tell us what she took,or give us a sample."

"I'll call the doctors"added Lucy

"I've some in my purse"

Cat handed him the substances and he took several looks at them.

The syringes had surely been stolen from the DEO,under their nose,without even them noticing.

The other substance he didn't know. It looked like kryptonite,but it seemed to act like human drugs.

Even the aliens had had a cartel,of that he was aware. He had lived 3000 years,long enough,to know what they did. Something dark,but they had no way to know who he was,what he did,not if Kara didn't tell them. Although he doubted the younger Danvers had taken the time to even learn his name,not according to the state she was in. The last and only dealer they had met had stopped after serving his sentence in Fort Rozz.

She had been given enough to last for months.

Whoever was behind this had planned it out well.

He gave those bags to their scientists for them to study. Whatever it was had to be no good for Supergirl. It might,no,it was killing her.

* * *

It had been a mix of kryptonite and several human drugs,like heroin,whose molecules had been modified to the point of turning kryptonite into a drug powerful enough to create a dependence without killing,at last not right away,he suspected. It was craving and a sense of destroying yourself at the same time. For that the kryptonite had been laced with those drugs.

Meanwhile he had sent out a team to find out who that dealer was. If he was human,or alien,and where he was living right about now. If they could find the dealer they would've surely been a step closer to helping Kara.

It would have taken much longer to know what it was doing to her. But the doctors had implied what he had kept on thinking since Cat had brought her in without having seen the results yet,she was killing herself slowly.

And for that they needed to let her out,make some studies,visit her,see how she was.

* * *

They spent the evening conducing several studies on her,visiting her,as she slept sedated just out of safety. They had the confirmation the kryptonite had somehow altered her cells and started expanding through her body like a human cancer,but it still looked benign enough to be stopped.

The effects of the drugs seemed to have gone down through the hours,but the doctors had suggested she might be craving the substance in a few ones, between 8 and 12 since they had started the tests,so if they wanted to get her off it,they needed to form a plan of action. And the choice,had unluckily fallen on the most painful way to take it away from her. Cold Turkey. Kara was young and had a lot of strength thanks to her genetics. Hank was convinced it might have worked.

If it had been any normal day,with Supergirl just being injured it would've been easy for him to accept,but now it wasn't that easy. He wanted to help but he was angry for how much they had hidden.

How had he not seen that?What damage was that kryptonite united to well known earthly drugs doing to her body?

If it looked like a cancer had they taken it in time enough to stop it from doing any permanent damage? On the outside she seemed to look average asides from a few small signs,which had been accounted as typical for…people like…for addicts. On the inside,she might not have demolished her organs,but come close enough to almost dying under their eyes.

When the testing was over they wheeled her back to the holding cell and let her rest on the bed they had used. J'onn meant to provide her with all the chances to heal. She was still sleeping as comfortable as she could if he could help with it.

* * *

 **8 hours later(night of the 27th)**

It sank in the moment she woke up. She was sober,at the DEO,and in a cell. She looked around frantically thinking she had done something of wrong,but was relieved to see the figure sitting on the steps,facing her.

Cat was looking at her too,and she seemed to have noticed she was finally up.

"Cat"

"Kara"

"Do they know?"

"They do. I'm sorry but they needed to."

Cat stood up and leaned on the glass as if by touching it she could've actually touched Kara.

The younger woman stood up at her best,and supported herself with the wall to stumble close to her.

If she had counted right soon Kara would be running cold chills,and sniffling.

"You sure they can't let me out of here?"

Driven by anxiety.

As foreseen,the girl sniffled and tried to dry her eyes. They wouldn't stop lacrimating.

"Kara just sit down and try to keep calm,you're going in withdawal now. It's normal,but you'll be okay. Soon. Just let these days pass by."

She didn't answer. She just laid on the floor and looked at the ceiling and tried and tried so hard to just shut her eyes,but now that she was awake,she couldn't seem to find a way to go back to sleep,or be comfortable in any way.

"I can't go back to sleep"

"I'll stay here. If you can't fall asleep or if you do I'll be here to make sure you get through"

She stood back up and paced the small perimeter worriedly.

"I don't have my powers"

"You don't have your powers right now cause you blew them with your little rush this morning."

Kara groaned at the thought. But her second one made her even more afraid. If she was no ordinary person,considered her alien heritage,and she had been abusing something which had 100% chance to kill her,what was the rest going to be like?


	9. Day 28:To be here,still

**Day 28(and 2nd of detox)**

She had died. She had died and was wandering around because she couldn't reach Rao,as she had been evil. She couldn't see the people she loved again. She couldn't be alive. No being could suffer through that and survive. It had started the other night with anxiety and goosebumps,and her eyes which would keep on tearing up as if she had just told herself the story of her life all over again. Kara was always aware of the presences right beside her,but it was easier to tone them down and listen to her own thoughts or she would've gone crazy. Waking up,she realized,was pure hell. It was hard to find out there was no way to stand up without creating any trouble for herself,with her aches or the others,and she was almost thankful her powers were not there at the moment,because the chance of hurting someone was high,and Kara didn't mean to,not if it could be avoided. Taken out the pacing which couldn't happen due to the situation,she just laid there. And when she thought she had finally been granted a truce from her trouble,it would all start over. There had been no sleep last night,just as foreseen,and there would be none from the looks of things.

In truth there had been none ever since that day. Sleep had somehow always eluded her,only coming when she was too exhausted to even listen to the rollercoaster in her brain. Very early on it had been just the depression setting in,then with the drugs added she had found some peace,but never sleep. At night,her nightmares would come true. Kara would see Eliza and Alex,even Jeremiah when it happened. Sometimes they would talk to her,sometimes they were simply lying on the floor,and she could do nothing to wake them up.

"You're awake"

She nodded but didn't speak back.

"You're gonna make it Kara,I believe in you,I've always believed in you"

"I killed you Alex"

She was hallucinating,of that she was sure. Alex was dead,even her withdrawal brain had preserved the memory.

"No you didn't and you know that"

It was funny enough,that even in her hallucinations,Alex couldn't blame her for anything,or raise her voice towards her little sister.

If the memory was so vivid then it meant that she hadn't forgotten all the things which had made her the person she had looked up to for the last 12 years and that made her feel safer.

Alex went for holding her hand,and it was so true,that for a moment she thought her sister was back,and she was lying on the solar bed recovering from the last heroic act.

"You're here. You'll never leave me.I need you,right?You'll stay here,with me?"

* * *

Hank,Lucy and Cat,meanwhile,were observing from close distance,and it was killing them to not be able to do anything. Even the meds they had given her to dull some pain couldn't be enough for what she was going through.

Her mind was now stuck in an hallucination,and she had been running a fever for at last two hours,only going up for now.

There were times on those hours they had actually had several regrets about doing it the hard way,but on the other hand they could do nothing but think about what could've come out of it.

If Kara being young,and having always been healthy and strong was enough,she would've gotten through,no matter what.

They observed as some doctors injected other medicines to help her. With her being human for now,the doses hadn't even had to be altered to accostumate to her body,if not for having been raised because one way or another Kara still had alien metabolism.

It was all they could do. The rest needed to be done by Supergirl. She needed to stand up to the addiction,and kick it away.

It didn't have to do with saving the world anymore,now It was all about her own salvation.

* * *

In the evening Cat made several calls to the office and home to inform she wasn't coming in in the next days,and the office was officially in the hands of Olsen and a few others for the time being,with the promise they would have her informed about anything new. Then home to inform she would've passed by that night and the nanny she was staying for a few hours more for the time being,probably into the night again. She was trusted enough to. However Cat had given it a thought and she would've probably had to find a different solution,maybe even bring him over when times would've been better. He must have been worried about Kara,and it was not fair for her to keep him completely in the dark about her conditions,no matter how severe the whole situation was.

When she was over with her round of calls,she walked back into the hallway with the holding cells and met with an agent who opened the door for her,but asked to be quiet. Her girlfriend had barely touched any food for now,and she had looked like she was getting worse. Whatever she was finding was no better than what she had left.

And it wasn't.

Kara was shivering as if she had been dropped into ice,and sweating at the same time and she looked pale as a white sheet.

He opened the door to the holding cell for her and came back out to leave them alone.

She was faced with pained eyes begging the torture to stop.

Choosing to sit on the small couch she took a second look at her woman

Cat shot up with a feline jump,and shoved the bucket besides them on the younger girl's lap before she could throw up all over herself.

She moved her hair back and made sure to provide some cold by letting her hand rest on Kara's forehead,while stroking her back.

The warning had been that due to kryptonite it might have been worse than usual meaning what her body was rejecting was also green substance that she couldn't avoid looking at without flinching and feeling her insides twist for her woman.

She set the bucket aside,further from them than before and grabbed the tissues which had been left on the corner on a cart.

Then she helped Kara back down setting a wet rag on her forehead as she cleaned up.

"Am I gonna die?"wondered the weak voice under her.

"No way,Kara Danvers. It's the symptoms of withdrawal. In a few days the doctors said you'll be better,and they will eventually go away."

"I saw Alex"and her eyes became hazy again.

"You did?"she wasn't surprised by how childish her woman's voice or her own sounded. Kara had that power on her and she had longed to hear her talk about her family again.

Back when things had been good,even before meeting her big sister,the blonde had told her a lot of stories about her life with the Danvers. Stories which hadn't been finished because of her family's sudden death,but if they could fix it,they would've.

They had heard and seen too much for them to end this without a fight. There were things they wanted to do,things she still wanted to tell Kara. There was time to make for those things,and it was starting with getting her better.


	10. Day 29:And have some faith

**Day 29(3rd of detox)**

The only good thing which came out of it all,was Cat holding her,when things got rough. Between joint pains,fever and nonetheless her wondering outside at times when she needed the bathroom,there was no standing up for her,or barely. Just like the day before it would go between her throwing up her soul,trying to sleep with no success,and no calmness at all. Hank had told them that days three and four were gonna be the hardest. She was willing to go for it,as long as she could still have this support.

Such thing had been in the morning,where things had seemed to work better,but even then they had known it could be short lived.

Evening turned it all into a massive pile of smoke.

Kara's temperature raised to a worrying level at which Cat deemed it only right to call the doctors.

She was trembling worse than usual and had stopped eating anything all together.

Hank let Hamilton test her again,but the only response he was given was that they couldn't do anything but give other light pain medications.

If they had sedated her completely it would've mostly vanified their efforts to get her off that poison.

So with no solution at their hands all they could do was watching.

Hank busied himself with getting rid of what was left of the stash,but was back soon to sit in the room and make sure he could be there for anything Kara might have wanted.

He had come to the realization that he could still do something for her. Alex had slipped through his fingers,but the younger Danvers was still alive,still breathing,and he needed to make sure the little one would keep doing so.

In all of this her powers seemed to not have come back.

J'onn supposed it must have been because of the Cold Turkey and all the reactions of her body. Which kept her being human more than a day,though things would be worse anyway.

For an usual junkie day three was the hardest,it was no day of standing up from the bed,or doing anything,Kara however was also feeling as if some alien were punching her from the inside,and older woman could see tiny veins moving into her,as if they were retreating. It must have been her cells letting go of the kryptonite.

But to Kara it was deeply painful and p meant crying and holding Cat's hand trying to not break it.

And it wasn't enough to help her get through also scream and sob her heart out.

And of it,required and not. Screamed and whispered.

Cat and Hank kept their cool 'till they could,but when it became too much he went to call the doctors and they chose to let the girl out of the holding cell,and bring her into one of the rooms for the agents,on a much more comfortable bed,with necessary meds closer,and a better way to monitorate her.

They run a few more tests and were glad to find out that there was no underlying infection,but that instead the danger was re-entering,and she was getting better,whatever had had her body was going away.

"Cat"

"I'm here Kara. It's going away,the you still have a fever. If you want to sleep,you can sleep"

To sleep she wanted to sleep. They had given her a med for it,and she was exhausted,and only half aware of what they had just been through,but there was still no way to sleep.

"Why did I do it?"

"You're hurting,and thought it was the way out of it"

"I'm so sorry"

"Stop apologizing,I already told you what I think"

She grabbed her side as another wave of pain hit her. Insides twisting,her eyes flew shut once more,as her teeth clashed against each other as if to hold it in and not give up to another scream.

Those of before had made her throath sore and it had taken lots of water before it faded to a dull ache.

Since she had barely even touched food all she could throw up by then was water mixed to the kryptonite which was still in her body.

Cat was dutifully there to hold her,again.

Such episode left her,just like yesterday,with spluttering as if she had swallowed seawater in truth it was fine dust of kryptonite. It was the part she hated the most as she would usually end up choking.

It was no different for her today and the choking,turned into coughing and dry heaving,but since there was nothing left,they opted to let it pass,before she felt calm enough to lay back down,and lean her head on the pillow,to look up at Cat.

"So you're still here"

"Nowehere else I shall be"

"What about Catco?And Carter?"

"CatCo is in good hands or so I hope"she laughed "Carter is at school in the morning and the evening he has been spending with the nanny,I'll come home every night,than back here"

"Mmm so that's where you disappeared at last night"

"Yeah right there"

"Cat,thank you"

Cat frowned with a smile on her face.

"That's what you're saying?I bring you here,I have you go through this. You must be mad"

"No way"

"No?You're odd"

"You love me for that"

"That I do"

Cat leaned down and let her forehead rest on Kara's just like she usually did,peppering it with soft kisses.

"I had faith you could do this,and you know I'm never wrong."

"Indeed you look very confident Miss Grant"

"Never otherwise Miss Danvers"

The queen of media would've given up all her money and properties if she could've just seen that little smile on Kara's face again. She was aware of the fact that fever was still clouding her mind,but between this and her temporary sillyness Cat had somehow managed to get something out of Kara. Even the slightest grimace she was being shown was a sign of victory.

They had been fighting against something very dangerous,they were still in it,those days were draining at the most,threatened to take them down,but Kara had spent two years,even before becoming her girlfriend,holding her up,doing the job,doing it right. This time the queen of media had taken it upon herself to hold them both up,make sure Kara could swim above the water,feel safe.

"I love you Cat"

"I love you too,Kara,I love you too"


	11. Day 30:Mad world

**Day 30(Day 4 of detox)**

 **Warnings:suicidal thoughts,self-harm**

A month. An entire month had passed by since the world had collapsed on her and all she could do on this day was lying down and thinking if she didn't want to give herself another round of nausea. She would ve liked so bad to be able to go visit her family. It had been a month and she hadn't even gone to the cemetery once. First she had fallen into depression,then into drugs,and now she was trying to get away from both those things,but couldn't have the things she wished for the most.

Cat had even reached out to her contacts as far as she could to have some of her most trusted people go back to Midvale and get some things for her.

So now asides from some wishing well cards,photos which had been taken from her old house,she also had one of her favourite t-shirts, which happened to be Alex's, on her now.

She had bought it with the sign of her college,and Kara had gaped so much at it that Al had ended up lending it to her,then leaving it when she had left back for the rest of the school year.

They had set in the living room laughing and playing around,with old Christmas movies from when they were younger and even before that.

Eliza had been taking a trip down memory lane as she put on an old VHS from their first days together.

There had been lots of running from Alex's part as she surveyed the whole house,the outside,the sky.

It brought tears to her eyes,to know her fevered mind wouldn't leave her alone.

But one positive thing was that she could still remember what their voices sounded like,their demeanors according to the situation. She could still recall Jeremiah and Eliza's laughters behind the camera as Alex got angry at her for nothing,stomping her foot on the floor like a five years old.

And she couldn't see them,she couldn't go and talk to them and ask them for advice.

Only when she went through her hallucinations she could go back to what had been. Nothing seemed to have changed in those. They looked as healthy and happy and alive as they had been the last time she had seen them. As Jeremiah had been when he had shut the door behind himself for the last time,as Eliza had been hugging her and Alex. As her big sister had that last night,as they had said goodnight on the phone. She had never gotten through having to leave Krypton behind either. Sometimes she could still see it exploding behind her.

It had just all caught up to her once more. Not even the pain of withdrawal could keep her from having those thoughts and twisting her mind to understand what had gone wrong in her estimations,if she had moved too fast or too slowly,if she had said one I love you less she should've said,if she had been less imperative than she should've been, when they had walked out of the door,even methaphorical,to never come back to her.

She had forgotten to tell Alex she loved her before going to sleep that night.

For that,Kara found the strength to stand up,throw a look back at the photo sitting on the bedside table and search. She wanted something to dull that pain. She was alone for now,she could look around. But when she went for the door Kara found it locked.

And there was nothing around she could've used to relieve her pain. At the worst they had thrown everything away. They had done that,she was more than sure. Put all the sharp objects away,'cause junkies had suicidal thoughts. Which she had already had,so they weren't fully wrong.

The blonde quickly scanned the room,though much hardly without her powers.

All she wanted was…she wished to be dead again. Death could be peaceful. This?This was torture.

She had ripped some needles but something more was needed.

With hands trembling she grabbed the photo,took one last look at it and broke it on the bedside table. The shards fell to the floor,and she picked the biggest up. It shined even in the dark,under her glasses.

Her hand shut around it,and Kara felt the skin breaking,watched it bleeding,felt the shards going through.

The young woman kneed back on the floor and gathered up another as soon as she could see through teary eyes.

Still wondering why there had to be so much trembling,she pressed it down on her arm.

Kara was no cutter,when she had started doing drugs cutting had been set aside pretty soon knowing it wouldn't have worked.

This time it bled,as wanted,as expected.

It bled through,and it was messy and bloody and it hurt,and maybe she had touched something which wasn't supposed to be touched.

It ended up all over the floor,soon followed by the incriminated shard.

Only then did Kara dare to look back down at her handy work. It sent cold shivers down her spine and heat on the inside,with her stomach twisting,and her breaths getting harder,more labored.

Supergirl hadn't meant to disappoint,now it looked like she was in for the dissapointment ride once more.

If there was still a tomorrow.

She tried hard to hold onto the mattress,but her grip faltered of mere centimeters and she slipped on the cold floor.

It cooled her body. Her mind clouded and so did her eyes. If Kara could just rest for a minute,she needed to tell them so many things,things she had never said,or taken for granted.

Slipping out of consciousness would've been a great inconvenience when the voices of the people she loved could still be in her mind,talking to her,reassuring her.

She was very disappointed when everything went black all around her.


	12. Day ?:Remember that you're not alone

In hindsight it had been stupid. She should've known it was a she hadn't been able to keep from trying to see if for once she could actually make friends,after they had seemed to be genuinely sorry about her foster father. Alex didn't seem to be much up to anything. Kara wished she could've taken that pain away. Her little body seemed to be on fire. She couldn't breath properly,could hear their laughters booming in her ears as they left her. She was overloading,and shaking with panic on top of that.'It's just a push,that's all they did'she tried to tell herself. And it was,they had just pushed her around,and it shouldn't have been a big deal,she usually didn't pay attention to them,as Alex was with her most of the times,lookin out for her. But Al wasn't there,and she couldn't find Jeremiah's glasses. She couldn't see,she felt blind even if her sight was technically perfect. It took her a bit to realize in her frantic look for the precious object,that somebody was running towards her. She knew it was Alex,because she felt calmer right away. But she couldn't pry her eyes open. It felt as if she might be scolded,pheraps by Eliza,if anybody had found out that the glasses' lenses were definitely cracked.

"Kara. Kara. Open your eyes"

Alex had plenty of experience with this. It had been the same for the first months,some not even She had been able to stop. She had had to wait through many painful minutes of just holding her sister trying to get her to believe that she was not gonna die. This had nothing to do with Krypton. For the very first time,it had nothing to do. She knew what it was all about. She felt like crying and guilty,pretty sure she had done this to Kara. She had been so wrapped up in her pain over her dad's loss,that she hadn't paid attention to Kara's behavior,she hadn't seen the signs. Kara had lost another parent,again.

She grabbed the broken glasses and pocketed them to keep them safe,and kneed in front of the younger girl running her hands along her arms. She drew her in for a full hug,the pattern already known to her from the many times she had already done it in the past year.

"We're gonna fix this. We'll fix this together"

"I'm so sorry"

"What about?"

"He gave them to me. Now we can't fix him. I disappointed him too."

"What are you talkin about kiddo,you know dad loved you"

"But they mattered so much to him"

"I promise,I promise I'll find a way to fix them .I'm so sorry I didn't come to you first. I was so selfish I should've come to you. We should be getting through this together."

The younger girl smiled through tears,and hugged the older one,who held her tightly.

"You're safe with me. I'll take care of you"

Kara leaned in but next time she did she hugged thin air.

Then her eyes snapped open.

She was disoriented,but it took a moment for the fog to clear out and see the same room she had left,when sleep had befallen her. A look down made sure her arms had been bandaged,but also restrained. For some reason the aching was much less than the other days and she could breath better than she had on that fourth day,or the days before,the green had subsided too.

"Moom,mom she's awake"

On her right she spotted familiar curly hair and lots of freckles. Carter.

The other figure sitting stood up and it soon became Cat.

"Cat"

The woman didn't say anything,she just sat where her son had been till a few seconds ago and stroked her hair,almost frantically. There were hidden tears behind those eyes,but they wouldn't dare to fall,at last not in front of Carter,Kara was well aware of that.

It was already enough he probably knew what she had done,Cat didn't want to show him how close she had come to…

"He was worried. I couldn't keep him back anymore. I wouldn't…"

"Why am I restrained?"

Cat made a face and Kara knew right away she had made a stupid question. Cat Grant didn't deal with stupid questions.

The blonde sniffled and tried to turn away because if Cat could efford to hide her tears,Kara had never been able to,nor been taught to do so.

She intercepted Carter getting out and following Hank,to leave them alone,then felt an hand on her back.

"Kara look at me"

A sob escaped her,and she could do nothing to hold it in.

But the hand on her back kept creating soothing circles rather than drawing back.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just wanted to…to…stop suffering,just for a second,I wanted it to stop. I'm all cooped up in here,can't even go to see them,ask them everything I'd like to. I need them,I needed all of them and they left. They promised and left. Everytime. And I thought back about Krypton,and how I started living again after I got here,I thought….I'm so sorry"

By then she was a crying mess and Cat strapped off one of her restraints enough to lay right behind her and hug her properly.

Her frame shook with sobs,and her usually muscular body looked diminished by it and the sufferance and pain it had and still was going through.

"You're still the wonderful woman I fell in love with and I refuse to believe otherwise. You're given a pain you didn't deserve and you handled it the wrong way,it happened to so many people,but you chose in the end to try and pull through. I'm aware of how much you'd like to go and see them,pheraps deep inside you can still find the rush that saving people would give you rather than the one for drugs. You've come so far,this is your 7th day and soon you'll be up,just like doctor Hamilton said"

Wait up…she had been out for 2 and half days?

Cat seemed to read her mind.

"Yes you were out for almost three days. The good news is that your body has almost eliminated all the traces of the drug,and soon you'll be up,but Hank would like you to see somebody"

"Really?"

"Kara this is the second time you…"

"Alright. Alright. I'll do it"

Cat smiled for the first time since her girlfriend had woken up and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

"I saw Alex again,in my dreams. We were little and somebody had broken the lenses in my glasses. Where are my glasses?"

"You broke them in the fall,but we've got somebody fixing them for you"inquired a male voice which belonged to J'onn.

He didn't say anything else but he sat closer on the other side.

"When you be up to it Supergirl I'll tell you more about what we might have found out"

"Hank,I'll see that person you talked about"

Proud seemed to quickly flash in his eyes,before he grabbed her other hand,the one which was still restrained,while Cat smiled once more at her. If she had not lost even Carter's trust then she could manage,but was glad he had probably been given the light version of her calvary.

The silence was soon interrupted by another familiar voice,and knocking on the door.

Winn.

"Kara"

He hadn't seen her in a week,and he looked like it. But now that he had proof she was still breathing he seemed to be getting better too.

Kara felt confident enough to welcome him with a small smile as well,and the room was suddenly filled with chatter about anything and nothing.

It was comforting enough to warm her up,it felt like the people she had lost were there too.

Was she finally getting better?

If the smiling figure standing in front of the bed unseen by anybody else was any confirmation,than maybe she could.

It beamed at her again,like in her best days,then turned on it's heels,still in total black,hands in her pockets and walked away with her head held high proudly.

It hadn't just been in her hallucinations. In her hour of darkness Alex had let herself be seen,though Kara suspected,she had always somehow been there. How had she even dared to think her sister could've ever left her without a fight?


	13. Days 34,35,36 and 50:Believe

**Day 34 (8 of detox)**

Her fever had completely gone,her strength was slowly returning,her body seemed to have already faced the hardest and she was confident things could actually get better. Visits were constant and her room was pretty full,even when her closest people weren't in it,there would always be somebody to keep her company. She somehow suspected it had something to do with what she had done four days prior,the famous suicide watch,and she was even seeing the shrink in the evening,but for the first time in a bit more than a month she could look up at something. For the first time in a month it felt like she had no reason to die. Once drugs had left her,and rehab was nearing it's end,and she had Cat,and her friends,and J'onn who was the closest thing to a father she had left now,maybe it was true that she wasn't exactly alone. Even Al had shown her that anything was possible. For them it had always been,hence the hand she could always perceive on her shoulder or around her when she wasn't still between sleep and being awake. It had been her favourite way to fall asleep as a child,as soon as she had come to Midvale. Things didn't change sometimes. This never had. The people behind her either. Somebody had her back. For the first time it was all about living and honoring the promise of keep on going,even when things got rough. Alex had been a master at it.

And then of course she was finally setting foot on the floor after five days.

 **Day 35 (9 of detox)**

Kara was surprised by how her strength had seemed to come back.

In the morning she had just settled for another short walk around the DEO,but was rewarded with a big gift when during her evening her powers seemed to slowly come back to her. In the past she had already blown them several times,but never had to spend so long without them. The luck which came with having always had them was that even though she had had none for more than a week they were still part of her,so she was gifted with no overload or anything similar either.

Cat had come by pretty soon,with Carter on tow and the second gift was that the queen of media was bearing great news. She was almost ready to come back home. Doctors were 100% sure she would've been tomorrow.

 **Day 36 (10 of detox)**

"Going home today,Danvers"

"Hank"she smiled a bit at him.

"I'm glad to see you're getting better"

"Physically I'm far better,wish I could say the same things about the inside"

"You're gonna be okay,you're strong,and you know someone up there supports what I think completely"

She knew who he was talking about,and she also knew that nothing different from it could be said. Alex had always believed in that strength. In hindsight the younger Danvers wished there could've been at last one chance to see her again and tell her she had been the strong one. There had been no Kara or Supergirl without Alex. And nothing would've ever been the same for either of her sides anyways. Too much had been taken away.

At last she could look up to the idea of seeing them finally.

Some days ago the simple thought of not being able to due to her condition had almost killed her,brought her over the edge,but now the thought that such a meeting would've happened soon,kept her spirits up.

She was far from being fully healed,she still craved the drugs,the rush,but it was now topped by the wish to be with whoever was still there.

Alex hadn't had the chance to do everything life would've allowed her to,but she had lived,at her best,and for that Kara was willing to try,at last.

Over the next couple of weeks things started working out more once again. Hank had informed her that it must have been Non,so her dealer had surely been an alien. Who they didn't know. He didn't seem to be in the Fort Rozz database. But then again,not everybody had been in there. He had probably come to earth long before her and pheraps found his place between humans selling off human drugs.

The little party put up at the penthouse for her return brought her spirits up,and it was good to have back a more chattery Cat,hear out Carter's stories from school,and was probably getting her job back,though the media mogul still needed another push to be convinced. Kara believed she could've achieved so by next week.

Hank had taken it upon himself to pose as her once again in the last days and the newspapers had stopped telling their bunch of lies about her and what had happened. People seemed to be happier too. Maybe they felt safer with her. Which was funnily insulting as the DEO made a great job,but Hank was adamant on her getting more attention than them. After all they technically didn't exist,or if they did they were a branca of the FBI,which was even more secret than FBI itself.

James had come talk to her. It had been a long conversation in which she had apologized about her behavior on that day,though he had seemed to understand. The words spoken,hadn't apparently ruined their friendship and it was music to her ears. She needed as much support as she could get. Even she and Lucy had started to bond. In her days at the DEO,the woman had passed by often and kept her company. Now an underlying comprehension bonded them closer than they had ever been.

Those two weeks were of rest,but also many news.

 **Day 50**

They walked through an harray of graves before stopping in front the three desired,all pretty close to each other. Kara sat on her knees to put some flowers on them and let herself touch the tombstones,with their names engraved.

"Cat. I don't know what to say. We never had the chance to do this on Krypton."

Cat laid an hand on the younger girl's shoulder and rubbed it slowly.

Kara felt more comforted,having her by her side. Cat had willingly followed her into this,and Kara was aware of how much time she had taken away from other activities for the sake of helpin her. She knew because it had been her to arrange her schedule once.

"You say whatever you'd like to tell them,and they will be there to listen"

"Hey. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. There was some trouble down here. I'm sure you were there,like you always were."


	14. Day 60:Perfect day

**Warning:the chapter picks up from one of the last scenes of episode 19. Kara has gone back to her duties after her visit to the graves,and Myriad and Fort Rozz happen just like in the series,but again,canon divergence after J'onn's speech. No pod.**

 **Day 60**

She walked towards him,just as he trembled pathetically on the ground. He knew he was dying. Finally. And she felt no regret for it. However Non looked at her and smiled.

"Kara Zor-El. I warned you once. Told you that one way or another,I would've won. Do you remember that day we faught in the city?How I told you?I bet you should come back there,before it's too late."

She felt the same dread as the last time he had uttered those words. This time however he would have had no way to keep her from anything. He was dying his patethic death and Fort Rozz was gone.

Kara shot up and only looked behind herself once before leaving. He was gone. Justice was done.

She reentered the DEO with Lucy and spotted Hank not so far and waited for him to finish his speech,before cornering him.

He seemed to understand what she was going for. He had disappeared during the fight,and she suspected to know why.

"We got there in time,I sent a message out. I knew he was gonna go for her,didn't want anyone else to be lost. She's fine. Just some scratch on,and a concussion,but she'll be awake soon."

Kara run towards their "hospital rooms". She wanted nothing more than to see it for herself that her woman was fine,but her brain wasn't working straight. It was filled with new or renewed bad thoughts. Seeing a shrink a couple of times hadn't wiped out the matter. She was still her angry,depressed self,with a tedence to dying wishes with the difference that she had stopped doing drugs. Not so long ago. Had. Wish should've been past tense but not so much because her blood was boiling and now that her two major matters,Non and Fort Rozz were gone,it left her empty ended again.

She got into the room,and seeing Cat laying there,even if doing nothing more than resting,got to her.

She wished Alex could've come to her at the moment,told her what to do,maybe knocked some sense into her brain.

Halfway through she realized she was not being followed. The route she had used she had found and discovered during her latest flights around Nacional City after her detox. It was a few seconds till she got rid of her com and the phone hidden in her clothes.

They probably crashed a thousand feet down,with all her contacts,but she would've worried about it another time.

Kara came back to the city and skipped into her house,the search was pretty fruitless as she remembered that the others had gotten rid of her stash,but a quick call to her dealer confirmed the two things they knew:he was an alien,he was fast.

He didn't make much of a fuss as she asked for all he had. He handed it down with little to nothing for her to payback with,and left as fast as he had come. He wanted no trouble,as usual.

The blonde proceded to leave the house and flew to the penthouse,thankful everybody still thought she was with Cat.

Nobody had to be there at that hour asides from a couple of domestics.

She shut her and Cat's room by key and sat on the bed,looking at the beg spread on the bed.

It was calling to her. It was calling even more strongly than the first day. She had failed,and she needed punishment. Once more she had been too slow to do things and this time her woman had risked her life,without even her knowing,or noticing.

Her hands trembled like the first time she had grabbed that substance in her hands,as her eyes also scanned the new things she had been provided with. He had let her in on some kryptonite too in the last week before withdrawal,and had to have imagined she might have wanted some more,now. It was all for useful business. Even more if he could carry it more easily without suffering,not being kryptonian.

Kara dragged the bedside table in front of herself and put the drug in the usual paper before making it more fine and snorting it.

She snorted several,maybe 5 or 6,without even thinking,the drug slowly getting to her head,making her drowsy and a bit tired,but again as it had till the last time. Stumbling she reached for the syringes which were a bit afar from her and broke off the cap of the first one before injecting.

This time all there was,was pain gripping her body.

Pain bending her in half and making her struggle to breathe.

It was running in her veins,and her nose tingled,but there had to be something….

Kara was reminded of the day she had attempted suicide as she fell to the floor. Her breathing was shallow and her stomach was cramping,even worse than it had with cold turkey.

* * *

It was the way J'onn found her. Struggling to breath,with her skin hot and in deep confusion.

It had taken him two hours to find her,but one way or another Alex had helped him again. Before dying she had come up with a way to reach Kara in case of emergency,another com hidden in her cape,linked straight to the signal of the DEO. It needed no phone,and worked like the signal for alien attacks.

The younger Danvers couldn't seem to follow his directions,if it was either following his hand as he moved it or squeeze his hand.

It looked as if she were falling in and out of a deep sleep and he couldn't dare to hoist her up and just fly her back to the DEO.

He called a medivac as he proposed himself to keep her awake,or at last try his very hardest to.

"Kara,Kara,Supergirl do you hear me?"

Her pupils were dilated,her face always more ashen,and it was no less horrible when instead of the words she was probably trying to convey to him,all that came out from her mouth was blood,which ended up staining his shirt and making him more frantic.

He tried to prop her up enough to make sure she wouldn't end up swallowing her blood.

J'onn felt as if he were detatched from his body,he had barely had the same chance with his daughters,but holding the two Danvers this way,at the distance of two months,was like holding his children for that second again. A testament to how quickly he had gotten close to them. Why was it so hard for them to have a minute of peace? Why couldn't the world just start turning again. They had already faced with enough. Why couldn't Kara be left alone?

He slipped under her,her head on his lap,but the eyes looking back at him were void of any emotion. Though the light was still there,and that light was supposed to stay there. J'onn J'onzz would make sure of that,he would make sure there was still something to fight for.

"J'onn"it was just whispered.

"Kara,keep awake,just stay here,they're coming to get us."

"It's time,I think I went too far this time."

"No way,you're leaving too. No way."


	15. Day 67:Dream on

**Day 67**

Useless she had never felt. Maybe only when it came to her woman. Kara had been capable of challenging her,making her better,changing her. She had always struggled to change at times,and sometimes the woman had been the only one to achieve that. When the news had come in there had been no sitting around,she had moved and moved and run for the woman she loved. And she believed in ways she had never had. How was she supposed not to now?Where had time slipped?It was an hell to just sit around and be able to do nothing. But the notion which had been engraved in their brains was pretty hard to accept. It went beyond everything she had ever imagined her relationship with Kara to be. She had known there would've always been danger,and waiting,and fear there might be no coming back. But whatever fear had gripped her in their first two months of being together was completely different from what she had felt after the Danvers'death and even more now that the sentence pending on their heads was final.

And yet it didn't seem to have caught up to her,and she had already been told three days prior.

She was sitting close to that bed,looking at the prone form of the woman she loved,with a tube stuck in her throath,cause she couldn't breath on her own,and even if that tube was there,the sentence didn't change. It probably would've kept being there one way or another.

Kara was coming out of the coma. But it wouldn't have mattered,because she was dying,already.

She was dying anyway. And that was still umbelievable to her enough to not have reached her stunned brain,even if the words were already stuck in there.

Her Kara was dying.

Cat held that hand more tightly,because it was still there,and she didn't know how long she would've had it for.

Her head rested on the slowly rising chest,facing towards Kara. Because those eyes she was still allowed to see,even if she didn't know how long for.

At times,during those seven days,she had wondered why they had been given so few,and sometimes thought that pheraps it was supposed to be that way. That Kara shall come into her life,and be so great,to be like a shooting star,destined to go quickly but leave her light behind forever. Even Kara had had her faults,and into those faults,she had found even more that kind of fragility which belonged to stars. Maybe also because the blonde truly was from somewhere else,but had found an home here.

So death was in the near destiny. Hamilton had conduced enough tests to confirm that the kryptonite had spread into her body,and kicked in together with the one she had still been somehow smaltire. The OD had only created the perfect situation for it to spread to her whole body. Meaning that their fears from the first time around had come true. Kara had spread like cancer,and attacked her lungs,to a stage which signed a point of no return. Whichever was left of her organs working,was to collapse in little time. Because of the particularity of the case,and the fact that her body was different from the human one;Cat,Hank and their friends had hardly been told an estimation of how long Kara had,but just that it was to be very short. And whatever they could do was try to make her more comfortable as she quickly lost her last battle. Carter was losing somebody he looked up to. She was meant to accept that any day the woman she loved could've collapsed dead in front of her,without her being able to do anything.

She cursed all the moments she had spent away from Kara. They could've done and seen so much.

On the first monthly anniversary,her lover had attempted suicide. On the second,she had overdosed.

There was nothing,but distruction around them,right now.

Only then did her body betray her,and let her share those unshed tears,and stroke those blonde hair which had been so silky to her touch to go through her hands without a knot. Just like Kara had been. Whatever knot had come,had come later. And yet one way or another,her uncle had one. Even from the dead he was capable of damaging them still.

To this damage they were to add the one which had brought them here.

It hadn't been Non to control that part of their lives,but Max Lord,who was now missing,while the alien had finally been caught. He had fallen under vicious torture from what she had heard. Almost killed,if Hank hadn't been stopped. Almost killed by torture which Hank had said had been necessary. But she had been able to spot the death in his eyes. They were taking the last of his new family away. He had never enjoyed the treatment he was handing out,but Kara was dying,and he had confessed and Max Lord was gone. Just like that. And to think he had been standing in the same room as the two of them the night of Myriad.

He was gone,and once more they would've had no justice,only the bitter knowledge that all their efforts had been doubly vanified.

Only the flutter of those eyes could take her out of her thoughts for a moment.

" _C'mon Cat Grant put on your brave face"_

She did. Just for Kara's sake.

The blonde moved a bit,but Cat guided her hand back down.

"It helps you breath"

It was like an hand squeezing her heart when all she got back was the horrible sound of the vent breathing for her.

At last there had been no brain damage,and she could still talk to the person she loved without being afraid of anything.

All the questions she had to read in Kara's eyes. They had always been expressive enough to be read easily by her. They had made her such an open book in the past,that it was funny to remember how surprised Kara had been at times to have been read just by a look.

"I'm sorry"

She had the distinct feeling that she was looking at the ghost of a familiar smile.

Cat grabbed a pad which had been left on the bedside table and put the pen in the younger girl's hand. The hand shook a bit,but it still held enough strength to write anyway.

" _How long?"_

"They're not sure"

Kara nodded faintly.

" _I don't want to die here,I want to do things before going"_

"I asked doctor Hamilton,and Hank,there might be some arrangement to be made. Kryptonite has spread into you….and it's like…it's like cancer,a malignant one,too. Soon it will have spread to the rest of your body"

" _Can we go see them again?"_

"We'll do whatever you wish. We'll do everything."

Silence seemed to befall them again,with only the ventilator to fill it.

But Kara felt comforted by Cat's hand. She was going anyway,if she had now,it would've been looking in the eyes of the woman she loved.


	16. Days 74,77:Tonight,we're alright

**Day 74**

A week later,Hank himself pushed her out of the DEO in a wheelchair. It was an usual manual one,but improved to hold the backpack on the back which contained her oxygen.

"I'll pass by soon"

She nodded at him,as Cat pushed her forward,

It was good to go back to the outside. She had jocked to her woman several times that all the time she had spent down at the DEO had made her paler than usual,at which Cat had actually leered at her,and shut up.

Cat seemed to hold all the worry inside,while everything Kara wanted was for her to keep calm,and just look at what they had,rather than what future had in store for them. It was hard for her too,to know she couldn't just go flying around,saving people anymore,but she also knew she would've been no help. She had had to lay down and let herself be told once more that she was not up to that kind of things anymore,and it had hurt her,but before being this,she had had lots of positive attitude,something she wanted to get back from her past to use it when things got rough.

Which were going to. She had caused it,and refused to let anybody else shoulder that burden. Before she had been Supergirl,she had just been Kara Danvers,and Kara Danvers was leaving this earth sometime soon,and didn't want to leave it with more regrets than she already had;those that had almost killed her thrice.

She would try to live out what was left of it. Try to be there,as she still could.

 **Day 77**

Three days later they found a day all to themselves and she could finally get out of bed.

For once no job in the middle,they went back to her old apartment and spent the morning doing something she had used to do with her big sister. Do a tv marathon and eating junk food,which had Cat frowning at everything. If media could've recorded it,they would've all had an attack of their own to find out that Cat Grant had let herself be talked into it,was eating it,and secretly enjoying,Kara might add. So any complaint about weight was forgotten to the second bite between donuts,ice cream,and chocolate.

For lunch they had passed by Noonan's and actually sat in the park,one of the closest to the CatCo building,like two young kids on their first date. Kara could've sworn she had never laughed harder with Cat than when a couple of birds got too close for the latter's likings.

It had almost made her lose her breath,but for an entirely different reason than the one which had her currently hooked up to oxygen as she looked at Cat running around to make sure they didn't get her.

So the result was that by the evening they were anything but ready to call it a day.

Kara took the entire ride to the building with a protesting Cat sitting on her lap.

But when the lift came up,they kept on going,to get to the ceiling,as her girlfriend got off.

Sun was setting right behind the city,and lights could be seen turning on in the tallest buildings. It was an hot day,but she did dare to chivalrously offer up her jacket to Cat,which earned another laughter and an eyeroll this time,too.

Cat had hardly ever wanted to show just how strong,physically speaking,she could be,but it worked out for them,as she lifted Kara in her arms,easily.

"I didn't think you're so light,Supergirl"

"Too much green tea and things like that,I shall get back to milkshakes"

Cat sat her on the floor and let Kara's head rest on her shoulder.

"Shush you never left your milkshakes,so don't try to fool me"

"Yeah you're right. It would be too much of an effort"

The sky was turned on by the light of hundreds of stars,as they looked up mesmerized. From afar she could imagine some of the planets she had visited as a child and couldn't resist to tell the media mogul about everything she had seen and done,and when she got to her story,the full one which had been censored of many parts before,she told it all,not skipping anything. She remembered the pod,and her adoptive family,and the days spent in Midvale.

"One night,it was one of my early months in here,and I wanted to fly,Alex followed me outside,with her usual frown,asking me to get back in. Instead she came to fly with me that night,and she even got yelled at because of it. But she was laughing so bad. I wish we had had the time to do this again. It was the night DEO came knocking at the door"

"Is there something else you'd like to do tonight"

"Could we fly?"

"Kara"

"Just…like this"

She stood up slowly,trying to not give herself nausea,and let herself be helped with shouldering her backpack,before bringing her arms around Cat's waist,swaying slowly to non existent music.

"Do you realize this is the cheesiest thing a partner has ever had me do?"

"Cheesy is good and romantic Cat. I'm sort of dying in here,literally."

Kara leaned her head on Cat's shoulder again.

"Kara"

"Cat. It's all we got,it's much more than some people get in this world. I want you to remember who I was,not what I became after what happened,after the last two and half months,even if that was me anyway. I don't want to leave this kind of memory behind. You'll wake up one morning,and you'll have to face that it has all come to an end,even if I'd never want it to."

"I've gotten used to waking up to you in the morning,to breakfast with Cat all together,to your strive to survive no matter what. I know everything,about you,now more than ever. What will be of all these things,when I'll have nobody else left to talk about them?"

"I'll be here. The way Alex was for me. You'll never be alone,I'm not leaving completely,I might as well end up being far closer. Right now,we're just a couple who is taking advantage of the sight and the roof of the office to have this night together. What we'll go back to tomorrow,we'll go to because it's part of our lives. But tonight,tonight,we're alright. Everything works out,even if only for tonight".

Cat tried to imagine what their life could've turned out to be and when she saw it in her mind,just for a moment,she managed to fool herself into believing that they would've had the rest of their lives,to be together.


	17. Day 89:The story(made for you)

**Day 89**

Clark,who had come by unexpectedly,but whose presence had been well welcomed,pushed her further as they took the walk through the Champs Elysee. For the last 5 days,she,Cat,Carter,and Clark had visited the city,had fun,and discovered even more the beauty of Paris. Cat had brought her to see the Louvree,Notre Dame,Arch of triumph,the Orsay museum,which had looked pretty bizarre,being an ex train station,brought her to eat in the best restaurants of the French Capital. The news of a travel had been great to her,and when the DEO had made sure she was safe to go,they had left for a 5 days trip in the most romantic city of the world,and rightly so,according to the both of them. And the most beautiful thing was that they had always managed to avoid nosy paparazzi. Kal-El had come on the second day,stayed with them and even pointed out some places they might like. He had kept far enough to not get in the middle,as Clark,though in love himself,felt pretty much like intruding. Nonetheless his presence was well appreciated. She hadn't seen her cousin in months. Carter had come too and dragged them around some places he liked. They even went to DisneyLand,which had Kara feeling a bit guilty,because the rides chosen hadn't always been the most interesting,or Cat and Carter had had to take them without her. She would've liked nothing more to do it with them.

This was their last day in Paris,and Cat had chosen Tour Eiffel as their last trip,as they were coming back tomorrow. They rode all the way up the tower and found themselves on the last floor pretty quickly. Kara had to look down and marveled at the height and the sight of the sun going down,just like that day on the rooftop of CatCo.

An hand touched her shoulder,and she knew gladly it was Cat's.

She spun around as Clark came back down and went to Carter who was doing some city sightseeing.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I think I'm pretty lucky Miss Grant"

"We're,Miss Danvers"

"You did this for me,even went against a couple of opinions,but thanks."

"Kara you don't need to apologize"

Kara realized she was jocking,and pushed Cat a bit.

"C'mon,you're no fun"

Cat laughed and took a second look at the city.

"You know?A young me once would've enjoyed to work here"

"How come you didn't?"

"Maybe I was meant for something else. It's kind of sitting in front of me"

"Now who's doing cheesy"

"Touchè. But really,I'm glad we're here together."Kara smiled back up at her. She was glad to see Cat so relaxed. It was much more than what she had had in the last three months.

"Kara. I…feel very blessed to have you in my life"

"And I got you in mine. We're both lucky"

"No wait,just let me finish this,because I need to tell you. Time has got an advantage on us. Anytime I might lose you,so I don't know what might happen,soon. But…I want you to know just how much you matter to me,how much you changed me,so for once I'll be the one to do this."

At which she actually bent on her knee and grabbed Kara's hand,with one of the shienest rings she had ever seen.

"I'll do the kneeing,and ask you"

The younger woman was reminded of all those times as a kid she had gaped at a character doing it for another,in some of the few romantic movies Alex had actually personally owned,and her eyes filled with tears.

"Kara Zor-El Danvers. We don't have much time,but I'd be honoured if you were to agree to this,and actually accept to spend the rest of your life with me,though I wish it were much longer than what we hold in our hands"

Kara shrugged and beamed in a way that she had lost after her family's death,as she pushed up her glasses out of habit,before she managed to get out her answer without stuttering.

"Well…yes,yeah why not?"

"Really?"

"Really"

Cat sat up a bit and pl a kiss on Kara's lips,with barely held back tears.

She didn't even know if they would've had enough time to actually get there,and marry,but it was something she looked up to in the hopes that it could've happened. She had imagined they would've had much more time to do this,and be together that way,but she could take what she had. This journey had taught her that sometimes you couldn't be allowed to have everything the way you would have liked it to be,maybe be more patient,appreciate the people she had around and tell them how much she loved them,or praise them when they did good.

Sometimes she would find herself missing the days in which she could see Kara floating around the city,and passing purposefully in front of her window at the office,and would've given anything to see that again. But she reasoned that one way or another,someday it would've come to this. It didn't matter how soon it was happening.

After all she had spent many years waiting for her soulmate from another planet.

Kara had gotten lost in her thoughts as well,as she hugged Cat close to her. Her life had been a result of pretty violent swerves of destiny,but one way or another,even in the darkest hour,she had managed to find a silver lining. Cat was the silver lining in this whole situation. She was her lover,the woman who had held her through the pain of those months and encouraged her to go on,even when it got rough. For years she had found herself wishing for somebody like that and she wished once again that Alex could've been there to have the same,but she was aware after everything that had happened,that Al had never wanted her to take all the blame. Her big sister hadn't wanted her to fall into that addiction. All she wanted to do now, was to live it out,after she had gone so low. Come out of it for once after three months and do what made her happy. Alex and Eliza had taught her how much happiness mattered,and she couldn't believe how easily it had slipped out of her mind. It should've never been that way,so now she was dying,but she was gonna be on the rollercoaster till she could,as fast as they could go,and ride it with a smile on her face and not tears. No more tears.


	18. Day 100:Lighted windows

**Day 100**

The day was one of the hottest in a long time as summer slowly came into their lives. To Cat this summer day was the most relevant. It was like life in the middle of so many hardships. After many complaints,more or less because it still wasn't exactly fair to her,she had been left Kara's adoptive parents room to get ready,whereas Kara had chosen to get ready in the room she had shared with her sister,growing up. The house was shining with the light of the morning and rays were hitting the mirror she was looking into. She was concerned, and wanted it to go exactly as planned but she wasn't nervous about the step she was taking. Cat Grant was marrying the love of her life. Her mother was not there to decide of her life,but all the people she needed were there,sitting in the patio of the house,waiting for them to take the big step. 15 years ago,she had been on the verge of taking the same step,but all she had managed to think about was the fear gripping her heart,as she walked down the aisle,in her father's arm. Now she was gonna do the same,with the difference of Carter taking her father's place and her being sure that Kara was the one.

"Mom,are you ready?"

"Yes,I finished right now. Poor Lucy had to take turns"

They didn't have bridesmaids or grooms,but Winn and James had gladly accepted to be Kara's witnesses,whereas Lucy and Clark,to celebrate the joining of their families,had chosen to be her own.

They would have both walked to the altar.

"Mom,daydreaming,we need to go"

She smiled at Carter,and allowed him to grab her hand,before linking his arm to hers. Her heart was beating so fast that it threatened to get out of her chest. She felt 20 and conquering the world again. The most beautiful woman in the world had chosen her.

* * *

Kara's feelings were pretty shared as she looked at H,sitting on her bed. With a bit of agility,Lucy had managed to help her into the dress she had chosen,and left quickly to take her place in one of the front rows,with their other witnesses.

"You look very smart Hank,it suits you"

"Don't test me,Danvers"

"Oh c'mon be some fun. I m getting married today"

"Are you sure you want to walk?"

"J'onn,I didn't break my legs when I fell sick. I'm sure I can do this."

"Stubborn as your sister"

"I only learned from the best"

He looked pretty sober as he turned around and walked a couple of steps further,with his head held down.

"No way,J'onn. You're…nah"

"A man is not a man if he doesn't know how to cry too"

"A man will be no man if he doesn't get back here,instead of trying to hide it"

Hank walked back and sat in front of her again.

"I appreciate that you asked me,I'm sure Kal-El would've been happy to do it himself."

"I know,but he's my cousin. I needed a fatherly figure,and the choice fell on you. Though I must admit that my first choice would've been Alex,but since she can't be here at last physically,you seem to be the right person"

Kara smiled to when he finally did.

"Admit it,I m a lot of fun"

"Let's get you down there. I'll make sure you get here safely."

He rolled her to the landing of the first floor. And helped her out of her wheelchair. Which a man from the reception had been asked to bring back down,as soon as the walk had been over.

"I know. I got you to keep me safe."

* * *

In the span of ten minutes they were holding each other's hands and looking into eyes full of joy. They only listened to half of what was being said as they were lost in their own little world,made of the stars they had observed. A world where they were happy. In conformity to Kara's traditions,which went luckily unquestioned by the celebrant,since he had seen many things,kryptonian prayers were shared,as an undying bond was created between them,as they hyphenated their surnames,but united more than those.

"Cat. Ever since I met you,you have done nothing but teach me. Teach me how to be better,how to go for the things I liked,and enjoy what I had. Your love knew no boundaries. Your braveness and your strength are what brought me here today,I'm grateful for having you by my side. You're there for the good and the bed,in my shiniest and darkest hour,when I gained and when I lost,in laughter and tears and I will love you till my last breath and beyond."

"Kara. Anybody who's here will confirm that before I met you,it was hard for me to think I could be changed. But I realize this is what you did the day we met. You made me more confident,you even talked back,you showed me that there was an grey between black and white,and it was better than either of the two. You're my hero,and for that I'm grateful. You're there for the good and the bed,in my shiniest and darkest hour,when I gained and when I lost,in laughter and tears,and I will love you till my last breath and beyond."

Rings,a gift from Kal-El,were exchanged. They were made of a metal that hadn't existed on earth,one of the most precious in the whole galaxy. She had seen some on Krypton too,back when she was little. Kara noticed they seemed to shine into Cat's eyes.

When even the last kryptonian prayer was pronounced,the celebrant recited beautiful words for them.

"Love knows no differences,love knows no limits,today you're joined in marriage,but even if this path will be short rejoyce in the remembrance of this day. I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may kiss,now."

Kara stood up. She had done too much sitting and wanted nothing more than to have that first kiss,on her feet,and be able to look at Cat and her happiness,before stealing a passionate kiss,which earned claps and whistles,and smiles on their faces.

From afar she could see some figures standing and watching. She proudly perceived them as those of her family. Their empty sits on the front row hand't been so empty after all.

* * *

After dinner,they joined the dance floor.

She counted again her blessings,for having had a day with no problems. For a long time she had felt sick,everyday had included some sort of pain one way or another. Physical or psychological. But on that night,made of a thousand stars,and surrounded by the people she loved,she felt no ache,no pain. For the first time she was completely okay with the turn of things. It had to be Cat holding her in her arms,with her head softly pressed in her chest,to sort that effect on her. They had officially become a family. And as a family they would respect the family motto. El mayarah,stronger together. They had known it before being official,they knew now they had been joined in marriage.

So when she had to sit back down because she didn't want to get tired and miss out the rest of the night,it was Cat who guided her back to the wheelchair,and Carter who danced with her not giving two kryptonites about her sitting down,or Hank who guided her between the guests to get their congratulations.

Some help was well accepted by the people she loved,and she felt lucky to know she seemed to have found herself a place where to feel safe again.

* * *

At night,when the party was over,and goodnights or byes were said,they retired into her old room and laid on the same bed in which Cat had held her the first days after Alex and Eliza had died. This time however all they shared was the love they felt for each other. She did perceive the change in her breathing,when the oxygen was temporarily taken off,but it lasted only a moment,as she was attracted to Cat's body. It had been so long since she had last touched it in that way. It looked like the one of a goddess. Everything was perfect,well built. God had put a lot of effort in making sure she could be perfect and then gifted Kara with it.

There was slow burning passion,there were kisses and soft touches and such carefulness that was both sweet and teasing.

It made them come alive,and enjoy the bond only they shared. It was like nothing they had ever felt,though they had already had it in the past. But this moment,shared under the light of such important commitment was like floating in the space again. Kara had only been there without any pod once,and that was how it had felt. It was like spark turned into flame,two souls joined into one. It was all they had ever wished for.


	19. Day 109,127:(Im)mortal

**Day 109**

They had come back to the Penthouse after 2 days,which had been like their second honeymoon after Paris. Unluckily after two days of being completely fine,Kara had started to feel the ache in her bones again,and started eating less than before. Hank had tried to calm her down,telling her it had to do with her disease,but it was very poor explanation,to her hurting wife. They just needed to hold on,and she was glad she could at last all some pain when she held Kara in her arms.

Day was coming to an end once more,as they had been married for 10 days.

Dinner was over and Cat left everything to the domestic as she guided Kara back to their room.

She looked pale and utterly diminshed,she had barely touched any food at the table,but Cat hadn't let herself scold her like a child for that. She couldn't force her,if she didn't want to.

Asides from being pale,it looked like breathing was actually hurting,so much that she sat on the bed very slowly,with her hands gripping her pj pants.

"Kara are you ok?"

"I'm fine,we go to sleep"

They laid back down,after they had gotten ready,but Cat turned around to keep an eye on Kara. She didn't like any of the symptoms she was showing,and it had been between the anticipated. Cat didn't want any surprise and for that,she stood up and picked the phone to contact Hank.

He confirmed right away he was sending a medivac,and asked her to make sure Kara didn't move and stayed calm.

That much she could still do.

Cat went back to her room,and her fears were confirmed. Kara was twisting around in her bed,and crying while the oxygen had come off. There seemed to be nothing that could be done to make her better. Her breathes were not normal,but wheezy and short,and few.

And all she could do was sitting there and try to keep her calm,before she made more damage than there already was.

The trembling didn't stop when she was helped onto the gurney and into the medivac.

Cat grabbed her hand as they tried to check her out and determinate fully what was wrong.

* * *

It looked like there had been fluid in her lungs,which hadn't allowed her to breathe properly. They had caught it in time,and drained,but this left her more exhausted than anything,and looking forward to some sleep after the scare she had probably given her wife.

The kryptonite had moved,now that her lungs were beyond affected. It had attacked her liver and bones,even nerves. It would've been only a matter of time before it reached her spine and brain,and basically killed her.

"Cat,how is Carter? I didn't scare him,did I?"

"He's a strong kid,but I can see it's hard on him too. Don't you dare to apologize. He loves you,it's normal he's worried about you."

"He's here?"

Cat stood up and opened the door. A blob of sandy curls run up to her,and stopped mere inches away from her bed,before hugging her as carefully as it could.

"Hey buddy. Don't worry,I'm okay now"added Kara as she stroked his back.

"It sounded bad Kar."

"Yeah well you know doctors,always exaggerating. I m the woman of steel"

"You might be made of steel,but the steel ain't working for now,try to rest."

"I'll be resting just great with you here"

Everyday she laid down,she knew she was closer and closer to death. Kara was trying so hard to fight,and not give up,and stay with them…but everyday it got harder,and harder to breathe,and even stand up. She refused to sleep most of the times.

Sleeping might have meant never waking up again,and whereas she was very much ready for it to come get her,it now made her heart cry to know how much she was leaving behind.

On the other side she knew what she was finding,on this she was aware of what she was leavin behind,and if such a thing had a man or a woman's attention,it meant that pheraps life had been worth being lived. It meant that for how much time she might have wasted,she had also had lots of time to fulfill her wishes,so maybe this fight hadn't been in vein.

Death and life were like two sides of the same coin,she had faced them both many times,and it had never frightened her,what was painful was that it had had to end up this way. That everything had had to be so hard ever since she had lost her family. But in hindsight,some good things had come too,and for those she could breathe a day more and stay awake at night.

 **Day 127**

After that day there had been very few good ones,and lot of bad. The pain had been intense,and she had started feeling sleepy and her will to eat had toned down to almost nothing. It wasn't just a sign of medical decline,but also one in Kara's mood,who had always enjoyed her food. Cat had observed her movements start getting slower and her powers had already blown several times,or gone awry. Now they were blown again and she knew they weren't coming back. Cat had deemed it the right time to bring her back to the DEO,but doctor Hamilton and the others,even Hank had told her to just bring Kara back home and respect her wish. A wish she remembered,as it had been kept in her drawer everyday.

" _I don't want to die in here"_

So they had helped her get Kara back home,and hook her up to the necessary machines to check out her vitals,and put her on a proper bed to monitor her. Today it had been a day of visits. Many friends had passed by,and sat with Kara.

Now her wife was resting in a half awake state,and Cat got the vibe that her end was drawing near.

Last night,sleepin on the chair close to K's bed,she had heard her call for her mother Alura,in a delirious state.

Doctor Hamilton had said that her brain hadn't been damaged beyond repair,however,and maybe this was one of the few chances that her being Supergirl had given her. The kryptonite had pressed on her spine too,so now she could do nothing but lying in bed.

Even who she was didn't change anything. Not the final sentence.

She sat back on her chair and gripped Kara's hand.

"Cat"

"Honey,I'm right here"

It still got to her when Kara would stop breathing just for a few seconds,but she just added another pillow behind her head, held her hand more tightly,and stroked her wife's hair.

"How is the city doing today?"

The words came out easily. Everything for her wife.


	20. Only you

**Day 130**

Cat Danvers Grant just needed to catch her breathe for a minute. She felt stupid sitting in their old bedroom all alone,while Kara was in the other room,with their friends,and crying too. She needed to be strong,not a burden. She needed to be strong at last till…

But how could she have ever looked in her wife's eyes without bursting in tears,when all she wanted to do was hugging her so close to make sure she could melt into her body and stay with her,within her,with far more than her soul?

She let months of hardships get to her,and cried and cried,in pain and fear,because she was losing the person who had never dared to step on her heart,the person who had loved her unconditionally,nonetheless all her defects.

"Mom,you in there?"

"Carter. Yeah,I'm right here."

"C'mon come here,we should be with Kara"

* * *

Meanwhile after Lucy,Winn and James,and Clark(who had hurried back,as soon as he had heard) had stepped first aside than outside Hank had gained a sit close to the bed.

"I'm sorry Kara. I know you'd have liked it to be different. I failed you too"

"Alex says you're great with us."

"Tell Alex she says lots of bullshit"

"She said she feels personally offended. You did a great job. And you dealt with us. We come with disclaimers. Didn't you know?"

"I had heard something about it."

He sat up more straightly on the chair and rubbed her arm

"You don't have to worry Supergirl. The DEO will make sure the city is safe"

"Thank you. It's much more than I could've asked for."

"Kara. I'd like to apologize for all the times I was hard on you. I just thought you needed a push to be better,to fight more convincedly. I should ve known you had it in yourself already."

"I had it yes,but you and Alex woke it up. It needed to be woken up. Mommy,mom it's near…"

"You and Alex were the best daughters a man could've wished for"he whispered.

And just like that Kara was back to her hallucinations and delirium,just as Cat and Carter re-entered the room hand in hand.

J'onn looked at her defeated.

He stood up and walked out of the room,with his head hanging low. Being an alien he hardly aged in time,but he seemed to have suddenly aged,and gained years on his face,and another wheight on his back,he didn't have before. He seemed however to be soothed by the knowledge that Kara was gonna be safe.

She was brought out of her thoughts by Carter talking to her wife,relying everyday things,saying what he thought.

"I think I'll go to that camp you told me about. Mom says I might even manage to make some friends. Pheraps I could take some pictures,show them to you when I ll be back. "

Cat sat on the other side softly drawing circles in Kara's hand,just as her wife turned to her.

She seemed to be much more lucid than a few moments before.

"I love you,you know?I don't think I ever tell you enough"

"It doesn't matter. You always did far more to show me. You should go to that camp totally,and bring me those pictures when you be back"she said looking back at the teenager.

"Promise"

"Carter could you leave me and your mom alone for a bit?"

"Of course Ma"

If he ever noticed the slip as he came out of the door,they didn't know,but it came as a wonderful surprise and it made both their hearts swell that in so few he had warmed up to her,and become so close that he felt comfortable enough to call her that.

Kara's eyes filled with tears.

"That child is a blessing,I know you'll make sure he becomes a wonderful man."

"He'll be,because he had you too"

There were moments filled with silence and only the love they felt for each other.

Then just as Kara had been lucid,she went back to her hallucinations,and her eyes glazed over,once more.

"Mother says it's a girl,Cat. A pretty girl"

She would've added up something but she realized she had no way to know what Kara was talking about,nor it was exactly safe.

All she could watch was that beautiful colour fading from her face every minute more,that breathe getting slower,that hand trembling in hers and felt glad Carter wasn't there to see. He deserved,just like the others,to remember Kara for who she had been.

Cold had settled. The whole room seemed to have gotten colder in the middle of summer.

She remembered the day she had gone to Alex and Eliza's funeral,wondering how cold a body must have felt like. Cat could've never imagined that it would've been Kara to be the one to show her.

"270. 270. It's pretty out there. Come home"

"Kara"

"Cat I love you"

"I know. I love you too. I'm so glad you're in my life"

Kara beamed at her as if she hadn't been that serious just moments prior.

"I'll miss you up there. Some would've liked to meet you."

"Stay here. A little bit longer"It came out as if it were a plea she had been reciting on her knees.

"I'll stay here. You go to sleep Cat,I'll be back in a couple of days,don't worry. I'm resting a bit,now."

Cat brought Kara's hand to her face and kissed it makin sure to hold it close,and stroke her hair,the way she had always liked.

"Stay with me. I need you."

"You never be alone,here or anywhere else,never again Cat."

Kara's breathing pattern was now fully irregular,as in shallow and rapid. It came with pauses,much more frightening than the previous days. There was gurgling,but Cat knew it wasn't painful,so she didn't dare to touch anything. She kept on going with her comforting pattern.

Those eyes were losing their sparkle,looking into hers.

It was all she had feared since they had been told Kara was dying.

"270. 9. Never alone. El mayarah. Stronger together"

She watched Kara draw out her last breaths,and this time she chose to slip into the bed and hold her wife 'till she could.

Cat felt mad at herself when she couldn't hold back her tears and sobs at the hand on her shoulder.

Kara fell in and out of consciousness,her muscles spasming slightly as Cat felt her heart halt several times.

"Stronger together"

Kara's body suddenly stopped shaking,her eyes lost all their sparkle as she breathed out one last time. Cat felt that heart come to a stop under her arm.

The eyes she had loved so much unseeing.

It made her scream,in the silence her life had become.

* * *

 **A few years later...**

The little family slipped through several hosts of graves which had now become familiar to Cat Grant in Danvers.

It had all started one morning,with the funeral of two beloved relatives,now everytime she went she looked at a piece of it which had been joined again.

She watched Carter walk quickly in front of her.

Her suspects of his coming here alone had been proved true when she had had Hank follow him and her driver,but she had never said a thing about it. She could see that at times he only needed to be with Kara,and talk to her,and get some advice.

On her own,she walked more slowly feeling for the wind around her. For years on end now,she had thought that Kara was there,maybe whispering in her ear the way she should take;guiding her through her days.

The world hadn't still accepted that Supergirl was gone. The DEO and Clark were dealing with such issues,but a void had been left by an hero who had let herself be loved,easily;as they had to go back to their job.

So if they hadn't taken it so easily,the world only could imagine how hard she had taken it.

Somehow they had known that she had married Kara and lost her,but she had never released anything to the press,and after a bit she had been thankfully left alone. She had sold off her penthouse,and now lived outside of the city,in the house of Midvale,and didn't mind havin to wake up sooner to go to work. She still wore black,even if it had been some years now. Colours and smells,and touches had mostly lost their feeling unless they weren't conveyed by those who surrounded her.

"Alexandra Danvers Grant get back here right now"

But no event after Kara's death had been as crazy as what she had woken up to one morning a few days after she had laid her wife,who had chosen a humanly burial,to rest.

She had woken up to aches and symptoms she remembered from when she had been pregnant with Carter,and it had turned out,that one way or another,Kara still had to be there,because she was looking into the same blue sky eyes everytime she looked at Alex's.

Alexandra had been a gift. She had been conceived,according to counts,on their first wedding night. She had saved her and Carter,given her a reason to wake up every morning. There was a baby in the house again. A baby who didn't need to carry the burden of their grief too.

"Mommy,hurry up,we're going to see mom"

At two years old,Alex Jr. wasn't just the copy of her late mother,but also a young little woman who was coming into her inherited powers,and diligent enough to remind her of herself,and the aunt she had been called after. There had never been a child between a kryptonian and a human so they were still in the dark about what the extent of her powers would've been,but Cat counted it happening in a very far future. For now all Alex needed to do was be the child hugging her legs and begging to be told a story about her brave mother. And Cat was happy to comply,now that she could understand Kara's last words.

There had been no delirium in those,only the future Cat was being left with,which had her still going back to the days spent with her Kara,with the woman she loved and above all her wife. When she had found out about Alex she had sworn she would've spent as much time as she could with their kids,so though she was still the most powerful woman in the city, she didn't want that mundane life anymore. All she needed was their little family and it couldn't hurt to remember that Kara had never really left. She was standing by them,everyday,and in her light and those of the people in their family who were already on the other side they could feel protected and safe. El mayarah. Stronger together.

 _Only you know how to lead me through the silence,you reach a part of me that no one else can see. Forever true there's only me and only you. Only me and you._

 **Kara is gone,but her legacy seems to live on. Their love truly knew no bondaries. Cat will never be alone.**

 **Credits for the last quote to the song:Only you,by Sinead O'Connor.**


	21. Till my last breath and beyond

_Dearest Cat,_

 _my wife,my breath of life. We've been married for two days now. As I write such letter to you,I'm aware,even more,of the fact that soon I'll be gone,and you'll be left alone,something I would never want,because you'd never want the people you love to suffer. You ended up following me into the spiral of darkness I was facing,and I know it wasn't easy on you. I heard you,at night,when you thought the house was asleep. I wish you could break down,even get mad at me,tell me you hate me,tell me you're angry 'cause I'm giving up,like when you found out that I was doing drugs,and my life had started to fall apart. I wish I hadn't had to put you through so much,but in your love I find the solace I need to carry on enough to breathe once more,to be with you one day more. I'm looking at you sleeping,right about now,and thinking about the last days. My body aches from time to time,but I'll take the effort,for you to tell you one last time how much I love you. I'm not exactly looking forward to the day I'll become a blubbering mess,breathing the wrong way,and complaining about my pains like an old person,so I'll take up whatever time I have left,to be the way I want to be remembered by._

 _I want you to go on. I want you to live. You have so much to live for._

 _Carter is a great young man,he's smart. Follow him in whatever he wishes for. Support his dreams,I know you'll,I just wish I had more time to stay and see him graduate,become a full man,find himself the right woman,the woman who'll love and appreciate him the way he deserves to be loved. The way I always loved and appreciated you,and the way I felt loved and appreciated by you._

 _I'll say in time whatever I need to say to the rest of our family,this is only supposed to be yours,so that you may go back to this,whenever you'll feel like I you were dealt with the wrong hand in life. Something that I sort of caused. Go back to this letter,and you'll find me._

 _Go back to your work,be the most famous woman in National City as usual,and kick the Daily Mirror's ass._

 _Sometimes go back to the rooftop,look up at the stars,for me._

 _And if you can,come back to Paris,have fun,dance it away for me,and yourself._

 _My everything,all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. My happiness was to see your eyes shining on our wedding day._

 _I wish we could've had more time,to do everything that had been planned._

 _Cat,I only ask you to be happy. Be happy even without me. Your strength was a rock to me,your strength came to me in the times of hardships and pain. Your love supported me in good and bad times,and for this your arms were my refuge when I was weak and tired,and twirled me around on wonderful days in which there was no pain in sight._

 _Two days ago,I vowed something to you and I would like to do this once more,to make sure you'll always know,and remember the good cherished._

" _You're there for the good and the bed,in my shiniest and darkest hour,when I gained and when I lost,in laughter and tears,and I will love you till my last breath and beyond"._

 _Now you have moved,I think you might be waking up in the middle of the night,so I'll finish here. You know some words go unsaid by us,when I look at you I can see in your mind,I can read unspoken words,I can feel you,you're in me,at every moment. You're my soulmate,and the piece of your soul I hold I'll carry with me far away. I was meant to be with you,I was meant to love you._

 _I just wish I didn't have to break your heart this way,but if I can help it,take mine and keep it close to you,when times get rough._

 _You'll wake up soon I'm sure and tell me I'm the strongest person you know,but to me it's otherwise. You're the strongest person I know,and have ever seen. You raise me up,you make me alright,and I feel blessed to be your wife,and that you're mine,in our little forever._

 _With you always,Kara._

 **Every story comes to an end,this has too. It's always interesting to put down your ideas and confront yourself with others,even to the point of getting involved yourself in what you write. As one journey ends another might begin,and I'll look forward to facing others with you. Till the next time. Thetimeinbetween.**

 **Ps:Deeply apologize for killing Kara off,I feel however it was like a parable. At the beginning of the story she wishes to be dead because she feels like she's the reason why her earthly family died,but by the end she has made herself her own family,and she doesn't want anymore,Cat has brought her to believe in life again. That's when destiny takes one last swerve,with an unexpected something that Kara left behind,however.**


End file.
